How to Be an Alpha Male in the Modern World
The practical meaning of alpha male has changed greatly over the last few centuries. Many factors have changed the way a male is perceived in human society. As a result, many men find themselves confused about the way they are supposed to behave in order to be considered real man – let alone an alpha.
What Happened to Us?
Before we ask this, we must ask something else: What happened to the world? Or rather – to humanity. I will touch on 2 of the most significant changes that have affected the way we perceive men and women.
Feminism – Is It Forbidden to Be a Man?
This is probably the clearest reason. Since women demanded recognition that they were entitled to equal rights at the end of the 19th century, waves of discussions regarding gender were beginning to emerge.
This preoccupation with gender has put a strict magnifying glass on the mental and physical differences between men and women. Many women aspired to prove that they were worthy of the rights they demanded, and made efforts to be productive, educated and sometimes act vulgarly like men. This created a new look at the distinct essence of being male or female, a look that to this day hasn’t provided a definite answer.
Now, enough with history lesson. Back to the present. Today’s feminism uses all the media at its disposal to combat phenomena that it deems unacceptable. Including rape, sexual harassment, employment discrimination, wage gaps and more.
I don’t intend to deal with whether these agendas are right or wrong. But it is important for you, as a person who aspires to be the best man he can be, to remember: Feminism created and still creates changes in public consciousness and communication. Acts that were permitted (both socially and legally) 50 years ago are grounds for imprisonment for years now.
Men get a terrible mix of conflicting advice. How many times have you heard men (and sometimes women) tell you that you have to be a man who takes what he wants? That ignoring the “no” from a girl and keeping on trying is extremely sexy? I have no doubt that many times.
On the other hand, I am also convinced that you’ve heard quite the opposite advice, especially from women: “No means no!”, “I want a man who respects me and is sensitive to me” and the list goes on. It’s a contradiction that terribly confuses men.
Industrial Revolution – Useless to Be a Man?
Good morning, sir, I have news for you: Your most masculine characteristic no longer helps anyone. Thank you and good day. Yes, it’s not nice to say, but strong muscles (did you think of something else?) have gradually ceased to be effective to the workforce since 1760, when humans learned to use different forces and substances in nature, and convert their energy to their needs using machines.
For the sake of illustration, imagine a blacksmith who lives in a town which has other blacksmiths. No matter how you look at it – the bigger, more powerful blacksmith has a certain advantage. The same applies to many jobs, such as agriculture and construction.
Then, in a relatively short period of time, machines that are extremely profitable to the professional and the costumer suddenly arrive to the workplace. So a handle does the work of the blacksmith, and the tractor does the work of the farmer. Muscular advantage has lost all value.
Now, not only would every man produce the same output anyway; technically – even women could now do these jobs.
I should also say a word about the invention of the gun, which at the time, changed the balance of fighting ability – that was absolutely exclusive to strong, fit men. With a gun, even a 3-year-old girl can kill a man at his peak age and fitness! Muscles lost their market value, and so does the man.
How Does this Affect Me?
It is difficult to answer this question clearly – only in general terms and to assess. What I do want is to list problems we have seen with more and more men in recent decades. Do you identify with something here?
- A feeling that you’re not needed. Following the changes in the modern world, many men feel they are not necessary. Due to the fact that we live in a much safer world today, there is little significance to the defense and protection a man provides over his family and friends. It’s possible that the male mind has a reward system that is linked to protecting loved ones with aggression and vigor. A thing which is almost nonexistent in our world, and the feeling of being unnecessary is taxing.
- Shame in your sexuality. Even if a man is straight and his sexual taste is as mainstream as it gets, we still see a lot of shame in wanting to get intimate with women, or even in attraction by itself. Many men were teased when they were children and were always suspected of committing the terrible crime of liking a girl. This is a possible reason. In addition, it may be related to the negative preoccupation with these issues on the news and social media. It’s nearly never with a good connotation – how many times have you seen a positive post about a sexual experience?
- Sudden aggressiveness. The truth is that in our world you will almost never “get the luxury” of being aggressive in a justifiable way. This refers to situations like having a tiger in your yard, a burglar, a battle for your beloved’s heart, etc. It is possible that our brain expects to reveal the animal within us from time to time, because that’s how life used to be. And now that we have neutralized all these dangers from our lives to a great extent, the aggressive side within us wants to be expressed (my unscientific assessment).
If you’ve found something relatable here, I understand you very much. The world these days is crazy, and it’s not that it wasn’t crazy in the past – but madness nowadays comes and goes before you can even understand it and respond properly. Everything is faster now, and most men enter this world unprepared.
Correct Your Situation
A wonderful way to approach our frenzied world, is as a historian. You must look at culture and humanity as a whole. When you do this, you will notice patterns that repeat themselves in many cultures and eras. This will give you proportion about today’s crazes. And most of all – it will give you a look from above.
Looking from Above
Why is the historian’s view so important? Because when you understand why the state of human culture is the way it is now (by looking at the past, you learn a lot about the human race – that’s why I bothered inserting a little history into the article), it gives you focus. This is a strange sentence. In other words, when you understand the why, you understand the problem. And understand the problem is half-solution. This isn’t an exaggeration and I’ll prove it to you.
Nothing Else Matters
The world experiences and will experience tremendous turmoil. Empires rise and fall, gods are worshiped and disappear, ideologies grow and wither. Do you know what always remains? The human. That is, at least for now.
The fact that humans remain (biologically) is a very important anchor in our understanding of the history of culture and, accordingly, in our understanding of the postmodern world in which we live.
Think about it for a moment: You’re a man. And history, it seems, robbed you of your power and uniqueness. But that also means something else: Your discomfort verifies that you are this ancient man who wants to prove himself. So it also means that women, with all the feminism in the world, are still the same human beings who want a strong man to ignite this ancient flame in them.
It’s all a mask, do you not understand? Our biology screams much louder than any ideology or movement. History is the proof that no matter what we invent, what we believe and what we become – we’ll remain human beings. We love our comfort, our security, and the partners we have established a civilization with.
I am not saying that movements and ideologies have no influence on the course of our history and our lives, of course they do. But under all these layers and changes, these are still the same creatures that haven’t changed much, if any – and are only looking for better masks for this period of human history.
Become an Alpha Male in the New World
Armed with the understanding that biology still plays the most significant role in our lives, you can confidently approach this world as an alpha man should.
How to Hit on Girls
If feminism and harassment complaints worried you and prevented you from talking to girls, from hitting on them and being yourself – I believe that now you will remember what we have learned and implement.
When you approach a girl, you will always remember the fact that “it’s all a show” (I say this carefully, because I don’t mean that you can sexually harass her. Obey the law at all cost!). This means you should allow yourself to be expressive and in total freedom, as an alpha would behave.
In my personal experience, when you have conversation with a girl (even a feminist), as long as the vibe you send is positive and light, you can say things that will shock her – and everything will still be fine. The very impression that you don’t care about her shock creates a truly powerful reaction. It’s a sign that says “this is a real man”, one who is not afraid to express 100% of himself, and if anyone doesn’t approve – he / she can get up and leave.
As long as you obey the law, even try this to the extreme. Have fun with her reaction and practice your ability to be completely authentic. You will be surprised at how many women respond with admiration and noticeable attraction to a man who does not follow their rules.
This principle is powerful, up to the point that I suspect feminism, at least for the past 20 years, is a way of putting men in another masculinity test (especially since we have lost many opportunities to prove our masculinity in recent centuries, as you saw at the beginning of this article). Something along the lines of “If you’re not going to fight a dragon for me, at least prove that you’re not afraid of the law”. Again, be careful with the semantics here – do not be afraid of the law, but definitely obey it.
Obviously, you’ll also rarely meet girls who will appreciate only a man who breaks the law. Not a new principle of course, it was always perceived as attractive. Still, in my opinion, a man who prioritizes his best interests (like not going to jail) is definitely smarter, and no less alpha than a criminal. Your freedom and security are far more important than impressing a few girls with daddy issues.
How to Demonstrate Dominance
In a society that no longer sanctifies physical force and aggression (and in certain circles oppresses them), alpha males must find a strategic way to demonstrate dominance, other than making threatening faces to someone who’s talking with his girlfriend, or starting fights at a bar.
Today, a man’s most useful tool is his mouth. The things he says and how he says them are the thing that indicate dominance in the New World.
Although in my life I’ve known couples in which the man is aggressive and still thinks and acts in terms of the old world, and the woman who’s with him found this “traditionalism” attractive – but in an interesting way it always ended with her using him. She saw that he is a man who’s operating with his archaic feeling, which made him a passionate, wild companion. But at the same time very easy to manipulate through simple feminine techniques (silent treatment, deliberate crying, doubting his masculinity) and bend him to her whims. And this is without talking about all the hits and mental tension he has absorbed because of his temperament. This is just another proof that women are also very connected to their biology, but answering to it in a “traditional” way simply doesn’t do a man any good.
So the mouth is our new, effective tool. Of course the mouth is worthless without a thinking mind and reason. Note that most of the principles of the alpha male are based on who you are inside, and how you express it in words and deeds outwardly. To reach this understanding, the essence of being alpha, you must understand reality better (the reason I’m here), and from there you will know by yourself how to respond to any situation as a dominant man, without using threats and force. I’ll give a few examples:
- Direct and open dialogue. A dominant man is not ashamed of what he thinks. He simply says it and lets the world around him respond. He doesn’t have the fear that someone will “punish” or hurt him for what he said. Absolute self-expression is a powerful way to give everyone (and most of all, yourself) the understanding that you are a true alpha.
- Take everything easily. It’s possible that the lack of dangers in our lives leads us to exaggerated responses to trivial things. How many times have you found yourself losing your temper from fear / stress / anger at something that later seemed silly and pointless? A dominant man doesn’t let the little things in life throw him out of balance. Maintaining a clear head and restraint is a great way to not only convey that you are a dominant man but also really feel like it.
- Use assertiveness. Sometimes you have no choice but go into conflicts with people. Aggression (or escape) will be the initial response of your brain. A smarter way to approach this would be soothing the aggression, that is, assertiveness – the art of showing dominance without hurting or humiliating another person. A familiar example: You are with your girlfriend in a public place. You went to the bathroom, and when you returned you saw someone hitting on her. The initial reaction will be to get angry and to respond defensively towards her and towards your respect, while trying to drive him out as quickly as possible, even by literally pushing. An assertive man, on the other hand, will approach (if he’s also an alpha – with a genuine smile) and will thank this stranger for the compliment that his girlfriend is attractive. And that’s still without even using Merely a light atmosphere. At this point, the vast majority of the men would apologize and leave. If this doesn’t happen, you can now be more assertive. Also, think about how this approach presents you as a confident man who isn’t threatened by some competition (unlike the previous situation where the man actually said “Go away now – before she prefers you over me!”). When you come with a controlled mindset, you will gain more respect from those around you – without any offensive remarks or violence of any kind. That’s, without a doubt, a very powerful method for demonstrating dominance and alpha character.
I’m sure there are many more examples that replace aggression and threat with logic and control. Try to think about some. Especially in context of situations in your life where you do get out of balance and tend to become aggressive (or passive-aggressive, very common). Imagine yourself reacting wisely to these situations, and it will definitely affect your reaction in reality as well.
We’ve reviewed two historical revolutions that have brought men into a state of complete confusion regarding their gender-role and uniqueness: feminism and the industrial revolution.
Equipped with an understanding about the cause of the confusion (loss of special status in the eyes of the law, lack of protective and productive value of the muscles, etc.) and an understanding on the relatively permanent course of history (humans will remain humans) – we could approach and examine our culture critically.
We’ve come to the realization that ideologies, movements and opinions do not alter human biology. That’s why the people around us who behave as culture dictates – are still the same people inside, who enjoy comfort, security, and a partner who speaks to their ancient brain.
With this mindset you can confidently approach the people around you in a way that’s most natural to you. Without taking into account the (very temporary) culture that everyone play by its rules. That, with a call to obey the law at all costs.
Finally, I gave a few examples of how a man can become an alpha in an environment that no longer sanctifies physical strength and aggression. Choose to be alpha, and don’t concern yourself too much with feminism, postmodernism, political correctness and this culture in general.
Remember that it’s just the right mask for the right period of human history. Since at the end of the day, we are human beings – hence, nothing is new under the sun.