How to Date a Girl – as Alpha Male
The dating world nowadays is a disgrace. A date can be one of the most fun experiences you’ll have in life – even if “it didn’t work” and even if the evening didn’t end as you planned. And I don’t exaggerate. Instead, dating looks like a job interview where also the boss somehow suffers (I’ll let you guess who’s boss in the situation). In the following article I’d like to present you a healthy dating approach and some tips, so that you’ll have tremendous success with women and, more importantly: to have lots of fun.
You’re Not Supposed to Please Anyone – Certainly Not Her
Most men are beta. I mention this quite a bit in the blog. The behavior of a beta man on a date is an actualization of his perception of reality regarding women.
In the mind of the beta male, women are worth more than him, in every sense. He should pamper her and satisfy her needs at all times, and she would be kind enough, perhaps, and in accordance with the arrangement of the stars, to give him the opportunity to sleep with her (maybe you personally know men for whom this isn’t just an expression). I hope that the grotesque picture of the boss and the potential employee I mentioned earlier begins to be clear.
Date as an Equal Meeting
We leave the terrible paradigm of the beta male and move on to one that’s not only better, but also very realistic. Going to a date as an alpha male means getting to a meeting where each side examines the other and tries to figure out “Is he/she good for me?”.
To clarify the point of initial equality between you and your date, here’s a question for you, reader: How is this stranger more valuable than me? I’m sure your logic says, “Not at all”, but also that your emotion calls to elevate her – and that’s exactly what actually affects the behavior of men on dating (and in every interaction with a woman, by the way).
Here are some excuses and beliefs that our brain clings to and causes us to respond like this:
- Men hit on her all the time. That’s 100% true, and I’ll tell you more: it does give her a high value. But not necessarily higher than you. It’s a mistake to think in those terms in the first place, a bit like comparing apples to oranges. See, she has higher value than her girlfriends that receive fewer offers and wooing from men (if we ignore other aspects that define value). They play on the same league: a woman who’s measured by the amount of times men hit on her. Why the hell would you bet on your value in a game where it has no chance? You will probably never reach her numbers in this field, unless you had a really successful surgery. I’m sure you’re not seeking it either, but this is the only fair standard for such evaluation, not the amount of women who hit on you, don’t feel bad over it and get out of this blind admiration.
- She’s good-looking, I’m not. First of all, don’t be so sure, my friend. The fact that you’re attracted to women and not to men is hurting your judgment. Second, even if you’re right, guess what? You have plenty of other ways to compensate for your appearance as a man (and they are far more effective than being handsome, I swear).
What does she have to offer besides beauty?
How long will her looks last, anyway?
Listen, being beautiful is nice, for men as well. It certainly opens doors and makes life easier in some aspects. But only when it’s an extra. Beauty is usually temporary (oh, especially for women!). It really doesn’t worth investing all your savings in a stock that’s only going down over time. In other words, to define value on beauty alone. And unfortunately that’s what many women do. Realize that not only the girl’s value isn’t higher than yours, but also that you have the potential to be more valuable than her, through other means.
- That’s how men are supposed to treat women. Newsflash: They aren’t. You aren’t “supposed” to anything, actually. You are a free man with free thoughts. Deciding how to behave to each person, depends on the circumstances, and goes according to your standards. Unfortunately yes, that’s the kind of education you got, I’m on the same boat. It’s time to get out of this stupid matrix and recognize that there’s no reason to prioritize and give special treatment to a person only because she was born with two X chromosomes. Besides, no one is comfortable when being treated too well without realizing why he deserves it. It makes people feel like impostors, and even suspect you want something from them. For girls, justifiably, this suspicion is tenfold greater.
The Man Who Says “Maybe”
It’s best to go on a date from a state of independence, of zero reliance. You don’t need her. Neither her body nor her approval. The more you internalize this perception, the more you will communicate it in each interaction without consciously paying attention. A woman (and in fact everyone) responds immediately.
She suddenly doesn’t receive special treatment, she’s no longer automatically perfect. What would be her natural reaction? Proving you that she is! It doesn’t make sense to her that a man won’t fall at her feet, even if only in hope of getting something out of her in bed.
The beauty is that it’s such an authentic approach. You are yourself: You like something? A compliment. You don’t? A slight. This creates a healthy and honest dynamic. And truth be told, it’s extremely liberating and fun for both of you.
Imagine that you go to buy a car, and on the first time you go into the dealership, the salesman comes up and asks, “You love it? Wanna buy?”. The answer isn’t “no” because you still want to look around and examine. And it’s obviously not “yes”, you have not yet been impressed. The answer would be “maybe, we’ll see“. If so, why do so many men say “Yes, please” right away at the first meeting with a girl?
Do Things Your Way
After dealing with the right attitude to go with on your date, let’s talk some practicality. You are expected, as the man, to take the wheel and lead the date. From start to finish.
In the blog I usually attack duty-imposing and obligations on men, because I’m a big believer in the freedom of the alpha male to do as he sees fit. Here too, you don’t “have to” anything. You can let her lead (if she even agrees). But there are two problems here:
- As I mentioned earlier, most girls really don’t want to lead and don’t enjoy it.
- The essence of the alpha male is to be a leader. If you shake this responsibility off, please rethink how alpha you really are.
There are things that men do and girls don’t like. This is not a sufficient reason to change your natural behavior, because with all due respect – who are they, anyway? But when such behavior overlaps one of a beta male, these are already 2 red alerts.
So I say plainly: Take command of this date. Know where you will go and what you will do. If you don’t want to plan ahead of time, it’s totally fine – just be prepared to navigate spontaneously and lead the date real-time (I think it’s a lot more fun, too).
Because in the end, the girl doesn’t really care how much planning was there. She does care to experience your dominance. Have you decided to improvise or plan the evening? Both are good, just make sure to be the active side and take her to your world and to new experiences.
A Date She Won’t Forget
Throughout your life, the most memorable information will be the experiences that have invoked a strong emotional response. This is the main reason that post-trauma doesn’t give rest in the present – the emotion (negative, in this case) these people experienced was so powerful that they simply can’t shake it off and move on. The memory keeps coming to the surface and chase them.
This mechanism is also true for positive experiences. A woman who has experienced an amazing evening will remember it for a long time, even a lifetime. What’s the definition to “amazing evening”? Great question.
What Makes a Date Impactful?
I’ve already touched upon the fact that emotions are the strongest burner of memories. This logic should be your guiding principle on a date.
If a conversation is too formal, too boring – there’s no emotion and no attraction. You could be talking on a very important subject, like an opportunity for promotion at work or terrorism around the world. But since such discussions are either formal or disconnected from you two personally, no strong emotion is created.
Therefore men’s automatic tendency is to ask questions and take interest in the girl. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. But have you noticed how this is usually done? It really isn’t a light, mutual conversation of two people, but a desperate attempt by the man to get a subject for discussion out of the girl. And when that happens, he approves and reacts in a positive-to-death manner, on every word she says. The main goal is to be liked by her, to get her approval that he’s “good enough”. It’s not real communication, and it obviously isn’t fun. So what makes communication stirring and exciting?
Challenge, Thrill, Surprise
An element which creates an emotional response in the other person is extremely powerful, and very rare today on dates. Men have lost all trace of their ability to demonstrate their dominance and character. Say their true opinion. Be their true self.
How does your character relate to elements that inflame emotion? In the most natural way: There are things you love and some things don’t. In the conversation, there will be subjects, opinions and ideas that you’ll resonate with more than others. Somehow, miraculously, men tend to agree constantly and like everything a woman says on a date.
Do you know why you enjoy a movie or a series? Because they don’t make your life too easy: You don’t know the entire plot (uncertainty), they create moments in which you hold your head with worry and anticipation (thrill) and they give you a whole range of emotions (strong impressions). Try to imagine a movie that, while watching it, you successfully guess everything that’s going to happen, has zero danger or no extreme situations in its plot, and the only feeling that is constantly being conveyed is joy. Boring as hell! That’s how a girl feels on most of her dates. And if the man doesn’t even lead the conversation, it’s like the director of the film you’re watching calls you personally to ask what should happen in the plot. Terrible.
Therefore it’s crucial that you create challenge, thrill. And no, it doesn’t mean you should try to be negative – it means to be a little more yourself. There’s no chance that you’ll love everything, and there’s no chance that you’ll hate everything in the girl and in the situation.
When you are loyal to your personality, challenge automatically arises from your contrast as two different people. Enjoy it. Use the contrast as an opportunity to argue, examine her, annoy her (in a pleasant atmosphere, of-course).
Didn’t find some contrast after all? Don’t be shy to tease her, even if it’s a little forced. You’ll be surprised to see how many girls jump on the wagon and attack you back with eyes flaming with hunger to finally see a spark of action from a man. I tell you, it’s an amazing sight. You will immediately feel the extreme switch in atmosphere – from standard and tired, to argumentative and amusing. Warning – highly addictive.
What If She’s Not like That?
I’m not going to fool you, you’ll probably meet girls who just… don’t get it. They don’t resonate with this fun, playful attitude and games. Their expectations of a man are completely different, and usually very superficial. Here is a short list with which you can perhaps get a positive reaction from such women.
- Prove that you have a lot of money.
- Do not smile too much.
- Prove that you have a stable high-earning job and clear plans for the future.
I’d suggest you stay away from this sort of woman (if it wasn’t already clear). I don’t want to use strong words or judge them, but they look at a man less like a partner for life, but more like a patron. That’s also a legitimate concept and I respect it.
However, I assume that you, like the majority of men, are interested in a girl who will also be a partner for life, a friend, and so forth. So I suppose you won’t be happy in such a relationship.
The beauty is that with the healthy and effective approach I teach, you’ll locate this kind of girls in a moment, and you will know to stay away early and prevent unpleasantness for both of you. A man who goes mainstream in dating would’ve already adapt himself to her expectations, and enter a relationship that doesn’t really fit his personality. Ironically, that’s because he wasn’t authentic in the first place.
By the way, it’s important for me to make it clear: Just because they do not resonate with your sense of humor or your teasing, does not mean they are such superficial women. It’s possible that you simply have no chemistry, and that’s fine. This, too, is good to discover early and move on.
Don’t be afraid of the potential unpleasantness, silence or strange look they might give you because you brought in some action and humor. They do you a favor and make it easier to understand their persona. Open and authentic communication only gives rise to good.
Get to Really Know Her
Your ability to create an interesting and exciting conversation is critical to the success and fun of a date. But I want to talk about something just as important now – her.
Try to think with your big head, this time. Who is this stranger? What is her background story? What does she like and why does she like it? There are two main reasons why you want to really know a girl:
- Understand if there’s an emotionally unstable girl in front of you.
- Create a true connection between you.
Listening Prevents Disaster
The first reason is tremendously important. With a little attention to detail, facial expressions, behavior that doesn’t feel very normal, you can avoid a lot of dealing with problematic women.
I want you to listen to her. Ask, take interest. It’s so beneficial for you. From a few questions and getting into details you can discover things about her that will change your entire perception.
I remember this one date when the girl talked about her job as a waitress, and when customers spoke to her in a tone she didn’t like, she would fill their soup or drink from the toilet. It turned on a red light in me. Later that evening, she mentioned her ex, and I saw the pleased look she had when she told me about customer care before. I dug a little deeper and it turned out that the police issued a restraining order from her because she claimed that he’s violent. “He wasn’t violent, really. But he really deserved this”. Now, even if I’d let it go and say to myself, “It’s the past, she’s different today” – her tone was still there. The pleased tone which at the same time is light and nonchalant. Irresponsible and amused. I hastened the evening and never called again, as you already assume. I was quite lucky, she was completely open on the subject and gave me an easy access to identify the problems.
Most of the time you won’t be this lucky. So I urge you to listen and observe. See beyond the words. Does anything seem strange to you in her story? Investigate more, ask. Worst case scenario – you will seem like an excellent listener. Also, try not to confuse the excitement of first dates with personality problems.
Build a Strong Bond
Most men listen to their date for two reasons:
- To repeat what she said with confirmation, to create harmony at all costs.
- To know where she stopped and make sure the conversation doesn’t fade away.
The alpha male has at least 2 better reasons to listen to the girl in front of him, as I mentioned earlier. I already touched on the first reason. The second reason (bonding) can be a powerful tool to make you close friends (in the good sense of the word, don’t worry) almost immediately.
Try to listen to the girl in front of you in order to understand, to comment, to be an active participant in the conversation – even though you are in the role of “the listener”.
Active Listening – a Great Tool for a Fun Conversation
I’ll give you an example. A girl could tell you, say, how she flew to Paris to study art. You can, on one hand, sit and listen with the eyes of a calf and say a dull “wow” every 8.6 seconds until she finishes her speech and you go into an awkward silence trying to find another subject. On the other hand, you can intervene: throw an opinion, slur or question (honestly or jokingly). Don’t avoid it because it’s “rude”. This is not a formal meeting, remember? You came to have fun.
People who feel comfortable together do not sit and listen until the end of the speech with aristocratic nods, unless it’s a very heavy issue (sometimes, not even then). It’s unnatural, that’s not how people with affection and flow behave. They allow each other to burst into their sentences, tactfully. They are okay with this precisely because the conversation is so interesting – they let emotions rise and react.
If you think to yourself, “But she’s in the middle of her story”, don’t forget that in most conversations, and even more so in first meetings, the stories are very ordinary or formal (like a short life story, or her art studies in Paris). Think from her point of view – do you think she enjoys telling the same story for the umpteenth time to a stranger? It’s extremely boring for her. And when her date just sits there and listens patiently until the end – he is polite, but definitely not fun.
Inject your comments and gags during her story, it’ll make her react immediately (because again, she is so bored from telling this one) and the conversation will take an unexpected direction for both of you. If you say in the middle of her story: “Oh, no… Paris…”, she’s almost sure to get curious and ask you “What? What’s wrong with Paris??” or she’ll even agree with you: “Wow, totally! Listen…”. In both situations, you’ve created an excellent opening for a different conversation, one that’s more amusing and focused on emotion. She doesn’t get to defend Paris’s reputation or find a man who hates this city just like her on a regular basis. Maybe you won’t have the most agreeable conversation, yet it’ll be way more exciting and fun.
Hey, About Authenticity…
I want to believe that you got the impression that authenticity is the healthiest way to go on a date (and in most situations in life). It’s a permanent feature in an alpha male – he shows his true identity and personality without fear of external opinions, of what people might think of him. There is no one who can punish him because he is at the top of the hierarchy. If a girl isn’t interested – the loss is entirely hers.
Still, perfect authenticity can be too extreme and problematic when it comes to dating, and a slight deviation from the truth can turn a date from a dull meeting into an incredible experience.
Lack of Enthusiasm
People are almost never enthusiastic, and today it’s even worse than ever before. Here are some reasons why men go on a date without a fire:
- Low expectations. They predict from past experience what will happen on the date. A dull conversation, unpleasantness and certainly no action in bed. This can also result from low self-perception and insecurity.
- Trying to not seem desperate. It’s true that when a man comes with a tired attitude and isn’t enthusiastic about a date, it’s very difficult to assume that he’s desperate for love, touch, etc. But the negative side of the equation is clear – it’s so boring. A second date is out of the question. Unless the girl is desperate as well.
- Physical exhaustion. Life today is fast and few people have a lot of free time. This creates exhaustion and fatigue (especially since many of us sleep less than 8 hours).
- The Internet. Yes, I’m talking about this part of the Internet. The habit of seeing beautiful women, in endless quantities, doing everything a man could dream of… let’s face it – kind of kills the whole point of going out to meet a girl and put an effort to make this an unforgettable date.
Try to get excited despite everything. It’s fake, I know. You can call it “inauthentic”, but hey, I can say the same about going to the gym when you don’t feel like it – you force yourself to put the effort. It’s discipline, not lack of authenticity. And guess what, once you make an effort to be energetic and enthusiastic, the other side usually feels it and responds accordingly (also to fatigue, by the way). From there, your response to her enthusiasm will also be enthusiastic, and this time – real and authentic. Kind of “Fake it ’till you make it” mentality.
This way, not only did we make enthusiasm our true feeling, we also automatic made the date more exciting and fun – the number one element of a successful date.
Absolute authenticity can also be interpreted as being direct and true in each micro-interaction. This may work okay, but I suggested you throw some nonsense here and there. Not out of a desire to lie or hide anything – but to play with her, to get funny responses out of her to some crazy stuff you’re saying, and of course to reveal the lie at some point. Think in terms of “just kidding”.
If a person tastefully trolls you in a conversation, would you play along or conclude that he’s a liar? The first one, I hope (if the second – bro, chillax a bit). For example, if a date asks me about my past, I can go “before or after my uncle abused me?” with abysmal seriousness. Her reaction will really funny, whether it would be disbelief, or a mix of shock, shame and pity.
I personally don’t stretch things out, and laugh after a few seconds to release the tension. You can actually act as you please. Stretch it longer, release quickly – it’s in your hands, have fun with it. Just don’t exaggerate and create a feeling that she can no longer believe what you’re saying. Remember the story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”?
Truthfully, the approach I’m encouraging throughout this article (for example, to come from the idea that you are equal to her, to create interest and emotion in conversation, etc.) is a wonderful recipe in itself; and attraction, almost always, will be the result of this fun atmosphere.
Ask yourself really, if you’re this fun, amused, listening, dominant person on a date – what’s missing to be “attractive”? Not much. You’re actually quite there. Many men waste their time thinking, “How do I create attraction?” instead of asking themselves, “How do I become an attractive person?”. This is the huge difference between a man who has fun and successful dates and a man who thinks about “techniques”.
That’s why I talk a lot about principles of attitude, about who you are as persona. It radiates strongly and women feel that very clearly, probably better than us.
Don’t worry, if you are able to be on a date as I’ve described so far – you’ve probably created some serious attraction already. To read more about it, plus some (although I don’t like them) practical techniques, here’s my article on how to treat women like an alpha.
An alpha male does with his money as he sees fit. Let’s look at this dilemma closely.
|Your treat||-Very socially acceptable.
-She might appreciate you more.
|Less money in wallet|
|Split the bill||-More money in wallet.
-She might appreciate you more.
|Somewhat socially unacceptable|
You’ve probably noticed in the table that whether you pay or split, there’s a chance she’ll appreciate you more. It is so, and it depends on the type of girl she is, the education she was raised on and her usual company. So you don’t know how it will affect her attitude towards you – and that’s a good thing. Because for an alpha, this shouldn’t be an issue.
If a girl is worth paying for – that is, if you has a really great time and you feel like she has “earned” this one with her charm – go for it.
If you feel like you’ve wasted your time with this girl, or even if you liked her but you don’t feel like paying for her – it’s also completely fine.
Do as you wish, it’s your money. I truly think that the importance of your desires comes long before the question “what will she think of me”. And this approach is relevant for any human interaction. A classic alpha.
Before going into key topics such as conversation on a date, creating emotion in it and more, it’s necessary for a man to remember that he comes from a place of (at-least) equality to his date and not inferior to her. Unfortunately, most men do go with this concept to dating and to all their interactions with women, and that’s evident in what they say, how they say it and their behavior.
When a man understands the meaning of being valuable to his date, he can ace the lion’s share of the meeting: communication. I’m still not talking about the conversation itself. The very fact that a man decides where to go, what to do and when – already communicates “I take responsibility for what’s happening here“. Alpha behavior by all accounts.
We jumped into the heart of the conversation and examined the problem of men playing by formal rules: being super agreeable, forever positive and polite. It’s boring and not exciting at all, so I introduced the concept of challenge, thrill and surprise in communication, and compared it to a movie or series. Material that’s expected, monotonous and tired doesn’t get ratings – it just doesn’t interest anyone. A conversation must take turns, conflicts, catharsis and another turn. That’s what most men lack in their conversation with women.
True, there are women who don’t like these things. They may be superficial in their perception of a man in the marital sense, or that you two simply don’t fit. An honest conversation (authentic, challenging) exposes this information early in the meeting and prevents disappointment later on.
I went on to the real importance of listening. The problems that a sharp attention can save from, and the tremendous opportunity to quickly form a warm bond with active listening.
All of these subjects are very congruent with authenticity, which I often talk about on the blog. But sometimes 100% authenticity can sabotage your communication, and not from the reasons most people think. The two problems that arise are:
A. Lack of enthusiasm.
B. Constant honesty.
I gave justifications why you should deviate from the robotic authenticity that in most cases serves us well, in order to provide powerful elements of fun to a date.
We were somewhat involved in creating attraction, and why, at this point, you’ve probably already created some serious attraction.
Finally, the big question: Who pays? I presented a simple table that clarifies the advantages and disadvantages of both options, and reminded you that you’re an alpha male (in fact, it’s not even a matter of alpha, just an individual) and your money is completely in your hands and you’ll be the decider of what’s appropriate to do with it.
Dating has enormous potential to be the most fun thing you’ll do. It depends, to a large extent, on you and your attitude toward the date itself and the woman. Most men don’t experience fun on dates. It requires a personality that’s willing to be bigger, more responsible – alpha. Take advantage of the knowledge you now have from this article (and the rest of the blog) and turn your dates into an experience that both of you will never forget.