How to Get What You Want (Without Money)?
We all have goals and desires in life, some simple and some large. To achieve what you want in life, regardless of money, you need a clear and specific understanding of what you want exactly. Then, try to put a finger on what’s an obstacle for you and whether you have the tools (mental as well) to overcome these limitations. Then, if money is not an option, try trading in another “currency”, such as your items or time; or just ask. That’s the answer in a nutshell. In the following article I will try to expand on how to get the things you want without relying on money.
Define Exactly What You Want
To find the treasure, you need a map. The more accurate this map is, and the more specific the location of the treasure – the better your chances of success. Everyone will agree with this logic when it comes to hidden treasures, but when it comes to our goals – people often forget the importance of accurately defining their aims.
Let me give you an example: We often hear people say, “I really want to get a good job”. No one raises an eyebrow to such a question. It makes sense, who wouldn’t want this? But when that person needs to get up and make it happen, he discovers that this is a terrible definition, which says different things to different people. To find the job he personally dreams about, he must sit down and better define what he expects – salary range, amount of human interaction, type of boss, distance from home, work hours and more.
Without defining what’s important to him, he will not know what to look for and what to demand. Thus his chance to reach a place that meets his wishes is at the hands of fate.
How Come We Don’t Know What We Want?
I’m convinced that the main reason lies in our whims (short-term desire). We all have a desire to fantasize about the good life and abundance that we are going to have. The problem begins when something has to be done about it, and people discover that there’s not enough information and details in this dream.
After all, it’s much quicker and easier to say “Something good” instead of answering on “What’s exactly good for me?”. The second requires deepening, sincerity, compromise and realism – not something the brain’s always eager to do.
Comfort is always our number one preference, and the way to get great things in life is to get out of this comfort. In an amusing way, as you see, this is even relevant to the planning itself.
How to Define My Desire?
Just like in the example with the guy who wants a “good job”, you have to ask yourself what is the most accurate definition you can give to your will.
Here’s an example I hear a lot from people: “I want a girlfriend.” The first question that comes to mind is “Really? Any girlfriend?”. Almost all of them will respond with hesitation, and describe important features in this girlfriend. Note how a simple question about quality makes people give accurate descriptions of their goal, which will automatically improve their focus and make them achievable.
The logic here also works with questions about quantity: “I want to be rich”. It’s not enough to produce focused actions! Such a person should ask himself something like “Okay, how rich?”. The difference it creates in perception is immeasurably huge, because now more questions arise as a result of the deepening, such as “What kind of job will make this amount possible?” and more. So if you’d asked such a person “What is your goal?”, he’d have different answers before and after thinking deeper about it.
|Goals – before deepening||Goals – after deepening|
|“Become rich”||“Make at-least $ 15,000 a month”|
|“Getting a girlfriend”||“Getting a pretty, smart girlfriend who loves books just like me”|
|“A good job”||“A job close to home, with a pleasant boss and minimal human interaction”|
In addition, you can be sure that guys with the goals on the right side of the table have a lot more accurate and realistic plans to achieve their goals than those who are on the left side. Always examine these things with yourself when you define desires or goals in your life. One is usually enough to focus you:
“I want X”
- Qualitative question (“What’s the definition of X for me?”).
- Quantitative question (“How much X do I want?”).
- Methodological question (“How do I get X?”).
Specificity is the key here. When you know exactly how to define your desires, you will immediately see how, miraculously, most of them become completely possible.
What Are the Obstacles and Limitations?
For everything you want in life, for whatever purpose you set for yourself, there’s at-least one obstacle or one limitation. Without exception. If there wasn’t, it wasn’t a goal – you would’ve already achieved what you wanted and moved on to your next desire.
Just like how we defined our goals above, it’s necessary to define what stands between us and it. Describe the obstacle and present possibilities to overcome it. This sounds a bit self-evident, I know. But the facts are that people do not bother to do these simple things on their journey to achieve their goals (perhaps because it sounds intuitive). Let’s look at the most common limitations people have.
Few of us have too much money, at-least in our eyes. If the desire that burns in us requires financial intervention, we often encounter a wall which we can’t pass easily. Let’s take a classic situation of wanting to buy a house. Needless to say, the obstacle here is completely financial. Still, in-depth analysis will reveal a chain of limitations, down to the root, which you can change.
I’ll explain: In order to buy a house you need, say, $ 400,000 (obstacle: available money). In your job you earn only $ 40,000 a year, that means that in saving half of your salary, you will need 20 years to buy a house – a very long time (obstacle: salary). If you complete some extra course and excel in your work, you can move on to a profitable job and earn $ 60,000 a year (obstacle: qualifications). Now buying a house has become a 10-year-issue. In addition, if you manage to reduce your spending by half (that means to live off of $ 10,000 per year), buying the house will only take 8 years (obstacle: lifestyle).
This example isn’t to talk about practicality. It’s clear to me that most of the time things are more complex. But it is to show how a problem that seems threatening and big (and the most terrible part – out of our control) like money, becomes manageable and under control, if you observe more deeply.
The Biggest Obstacle
Sorry about the cliché that’s coming, but it’s true: You are the biggest obstacle to yourself. Indeed, there are many external factors that make it difficult to achieve your goals, but as we’ve already seen in the part on financial limitation, the person who can change the situation is more or less you.
Here’s a simple flowchart from the house-buying example above.
A house is possible with money (not under your control) à Money comes from your salary (not under your control) à A salary comes from the quality of the employee and his education (is under your control).
This logic is true for most situations where you want something and there are obstacles in the way. Here are some examples of the obstacles you set for yourself, which are usually passable by you taking responsibility.
- Emotional. Something internal, psychological, blocks you from achieving your desires. A classic case is hitting on someone. Shame plays a big role here and makes it difficult for a person to make a move that can change his life for the better. In the worst case – nothing will happen. There’s really no risk, and we still have a tendency to listen to an emotion that, at-least in my opinion, proves itself to be a bad consultant. If you feel this is a problem you identify with, I suggest you read more articles in this blog, which deals with personality development.
- Physical. Sometimes the problem is some physical limitation. The desire to play on a team when you’re out of shape, the desire to model when you don’t have the right appearance, the desire to run a marathon when you don’t have a leg are all good examples of a body-restricted desire. Unfortunately, when it comes to the physical realm, our control is indeed relatively limited. Everyone can diet, but not everyone can have Brad Pitt’s face. Try to focus on what is in your control, like fitness and weight. If your demand is beyond what money, science and God provide for us today – I’m sorry, I don’t say that often, but: it’s not under your control.
- Social. The requiring of another person to fulfill your will. This area is very similar to romantic relationships, but extends to all human interactions. Here too, you have limited control (unless you are okay with going to jail). It is important to focus on what you can change, which is quite a bit. I always say it’s good to think of such things as a free market. You can’t force your customers to buy. But you can improve your product and make it impossible to refuse to. If you have a quality persona that grows, improves and learns all the time, it’s highly probable that people you want in life will already reach you by themselves.
True, not all the examples of obstacles have proved that you have full control over things. But in all of them you have some control, and that should be your anchor. From there you progress and do all you are able. What was most important to take here was:
- Describe your obstacles in great detail.
- An obstacle, even if not completely under your control, is not an excuse to give up.
With an exact definition of the obstacles you face, and the internalization that there’s always something to do about it – you will go far. You will get a clear understanding of your goal and know the angle to attack everything that stops you, even if it’s yourself.
Have You Tried Asking?
We sometimes have a tendency to reject options that seem simple, too easy. As if our brain tells us, “It’s too good to be true, let it go”, and we don’t even consider the possibility. True, there are definitely things you want and can’t ask for, like happiness (although hey, maybe you’ll get good advice about happiness – it’s worth a try) and still – some things we want in life are only a request away.
What Holds Us from Asking?
If you think you’ll benefit from asking someone for what you want, I suppose you’d simply get up and do it. Here are some possible reasons why people hold themselves from asking what they need:
- Ego. Quite common. People tend to feel inferior when they ask for something, especially from a person they don’t really like. They see it as a kind of white flag that says “I lost, I turn to help” and avoid from doing it. It’s a shame, because they miss an important point: What you want is only a sentence away! You should be glad there’s a solution at hand. How bad would it be if you had no idea how to get what you need? Well, you do have an idea, and guess what? People, in general, love to help each other. They enjoy feeling necessary. Do not let ego manage your life, it never pays.
- Shame. Even more common than ego. Many people feel uncomfortable “disturbing” with their request. If you identify, I suggest you imagine a situation in which someone would ask of you exactly what you want yourself. Simple role switch. If you can help – will you not you be happy to? As I said in the section about ego (and here it’s more crucial), for most people, the very idea of ”people need me, I am necessary” is a tremendous compliment. Realize that we are in a period which consists of much less interpersonal communication, Google answers every question, Waze directs us, Amazon recommends us a product, etc. But people, on the emotional level, remain human beings. They like to know they have the power to lend a hand. Do not underestimate this and provide them with this wonderful human emotion.
- Don’t want to be in debt. People have a tendency to think that if they get help from someone, they’ll remember it forever; and once they need something from them, they’ll feel obligated to help. Their conclusion from this potential ping-pong: Better not ask. I hope that after I’ve presented the process in this manner (imagine the description was said with a sarcastic tone), I’ve reduced any chance of you ever thinking in this direction. Why harm the opportunity for good relations and trade? And anyway, who said there’s an obligation to return a favor? I’m sure we’re all good people who’d help in any situation if asked, as long as the request is reasonable. The fact that a person helped another person does not, in any way, oblige the parties. Feel free to ask for help, and be willing to give back when it’s needed.
- It can’t be helped. I am guilty of this one. It is also very common. I have an automatic tendency not avoid asking for help because my head says, perhaps out of some arrogance, “If I hadn’t thought of a solution / didn’t get it, it’s unlikely that person X would be able to”. Many times I wasted time until I was at a loss, and all I had to do was address the relevant people and speak. I was pleasantly surprised more times than I would admit. The moral is that we never really know what goes on in the life of others, and we have the perspective of ourselves only. The problem is that sometimes we are convinced that this is the best perspective. So try talking to anyone who might be able to give you what you want or help you achieve it. As I mentioned above, even a good tip can focus us and change things immensely for the better.
Communication is an incredibly powerful tool, and if we’ll remember the fact that people truly like to help each other and feel that someone needs them, we’ll significantly increase the chances of achieving our goals.
Did You Really Make an Effort?
I’m about to take a calculated risk and answer for you: “No”. Of course, I’m not saying you haven’t tried hard to achieve your goal, but I’m quite sure you haven’t tried hard enough. I say this because it’s just statistically true. A smart bet.
Most people of any kind, race, religion and age – lack self-discipline. It’s difficult for the majority of people to be focused for a long time and pursue goals that don’t provide them with immediate gratification. We are like this from birth, it’s in our nature. Always looking for the easiest and most convenient way. And staying constantly devoted to a task that doesn’t yield results quickly is difficult. The good news is that discipline is something that can be improved and worked on. I present many tips and solutions on how to strengthen your discipline – the most important tool for a life of achievements, in this article.
After linking to an article on discipline, I feel that we can talk about using all possible ways to get what you want, without relying on money. Perhaps you think that you’ve already done everything and there’s no solution, but since I disagree with this opinion, I’ll challenge you: Look at the next list and examine whether you really did everything in your power.
- Have you learned and read about anything relevant to the subject?
- Have you contacted anyone you know to help you?
- Have you contacted a lot of new people to help you?
- Have you tried everything here for long-enough time? Really?
If you find something that you haven’t given your best in – I suggest you write it down immediately. A reminder on the phone is a great idea and I use it regularly. Along with strong discipline, you’ll be able to access the weak and dissed points in your strategy and give another hard push. This can definitely be your breakthrough, go for it full power.
Not Just Money
If what you want requires (in spite of everything we’ve talked about so far) an amount of money you currently can’t pay, you can always give something else in return. The most common are objects and time.
Objects in Return
I like this idea, it encourages getting rid of everything we store in our house and don’t use. Consider selling objects you no longer need, and maybe raise enough money to get what you want. Here are some ideas of objects for sale.
Time in Return
I know, this is a sophisticated way to say “get a job”. But look, depending on how expensive is what you want to achieve, consider giving extra time at the work you are already at.
Maybe there’s a project that requires staying an extra hour every day? Or take responsibility for a particular subject that your boss has personally managed to this day and take care of it for him, even from home if possible. Maybe the extra pay you get with these little things will be enough to make the money within a reasonable time.
I Don’t Know What I Want
If you’ve read this far and still do not feel that I’ve helped you with a proper solution, I’m beginning to wonder if you even know what you want. And I don’t mean it in an accusing way.
Is this a general sense of emptiness you have? Do you think you already have everything, more or less, and it still feels insufficient? If so, this is a common feeling in today’s abundant lives. You are not alone.
Live For Something
People with a feeling that they have nothing more to buy, what to freshen or experience, usually exhibit signs of depression. They also tend to have no long-term goal, hence not living for any specific purpose.
Did you know that animals improve stress, depression, and anxiety? In my opinion this means, according to many other proven examples, that when you live for something / someone who’s not yourself – you feel good, you feel satisfied. The material preoccupations and desires lose necessity in your eyes because your life already has a purpose, and you’re not seeking short-term distractions.
Have you ever asked yourself what Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft, formerly the world’s richest man), for example, does on his day-to-day basis? He reads a lot (long-term goal – learning), does a lot of philanthropy and donates crazy amounts of money to charity (helping someone else – being necessary) and the rest of the time helps those who are replacing him at Microsoft. An amazing example of a person who can have pretty much anything material in this world, but prefers to invest most of his time in pursuing endless goals (learning, for example) and helping others (philanthropy). Realize that if he wouldn’t do it, he’d probably be very depressed.
It’s a sort of formula that always proves to work on people – when they live only for themselves, emptiness starts to emerge in them. When they begin to care about someone else, and deal with things that are larger than their momentary pleasures, they feel good, satisfied and full. A bit ironic, but that’s how it works.
What to Engage In?
A good way to find real meaning in life is to look around: Are there people who I can help? Another way is to deal with things that are “bigger than you”, that will never really end. Learning and the pursuit of knowledge is a great example. What should you learn? Whatever interests you, of-course.
To simplify things, I will briefly share what I have chosen to do: For a long time I felt that I could give important information to men (and indirectly to women) all over the world. I felt that there was no good communication between the sexes, and certainly no mutual understanding. I’ve built this blog to give help, success and most of all – a goal for a lot of men who just don’t know… how to be men. This is how I answer the two important conditions for emotional satisfaction:
- Deal with something bigger. In my case, this is the infinite knowledge about human interpersonal relations, biology, culture, attraction and many other extremely intriguing subjects. It’s huge, and trying to contain it all in order to teach others is amazing.
- Giving others. In writing the blog, I see a tremendous mission of having men understand the power that lies in them, and all the good they can do in the world and in their own lives – if they connect to this strong side in them. Being an alpha.
Think of how you find something similar and engage in it to become more than you are, and to help others. Here are some ideas for you:
- Volunteer in a soup kitchen.
- Volunteer in an animal shelter.
- Volunteer to help the disabled or the elderly.
- Invent something that will make the world a better place.
- Become an alpha.
I know you’re making a face, but I truly believe that being alpha can be that good for the environment you are in (I touch on this issue in this article). In addition, it is also an endless journey of learning, practicing and improving; so it certainly meets the conditions for something that fills you for a very long time. True, I am biased with this subject, but I also know, personally, that this is an amazing life-changing experience.
To get what you want, with or without money, you must know exactly what it is. Most people do not bother to focus and better describe their will, and as a result – they don’t take action.
Limitations are also something that people do not focus on, and usually they give up because they have the illusion (thanks to the human tendency for comfort) that they have no control and ability to overcome these obstacles. A closer examination proves, most of the time, that we do have the ability to bypass the obstacles and achieve our goals.
From there I went on to review the possibility of simply asking for what you want. From anyone who might be able to help you. I’ve gone through our holdbacks to seek help from people, and tried to smash them.
Then I examined the possibility that you might not have done enough to get what you want. And chances are that this is indeed the case.
I went on to alternatives for money, from two side sources you may not have thought of: A. Clearance sale. B. More hours or projects in your existing job.
Finally, I took into account the possibility that you might not really know what you want. That this is a feeling of emptiness that’s very common in our world of abundance. I’ve presented you with key characteristics of activities that give great satisfaction: A. Dealing with something bigger than yourself. B. Helping others. Along with a few examples, including the possibility of becoming an alpha and taking your personality to the next level
I hope I’ve been able to answer your question. Good luck in getting everything you want in life.