Why Do Girls Like Bad Boys?
There must have been situations in your life where you found yourself banging your head against the wall in a desperate attempt to understand why the girl you want prefers a man who doesn’t respect and appreciate her as you do. In this article, I want to define what a “bad boy” means, and to touch on the reasons why women always prefer the man who belittles them a bit, why nice men are less attractive – and to give you advice and solutions to start being man you were meant to be.
The Definition of a Bad Boy
In order for us to talk about the attractive character of the “bad boy”, we need to give a clear definition of his characteristics.
First of all, it’s necessary I’ll say: When I mention a “bad boy”, I refer to a man who doesn’t give women any special honor. I really don’t mean a person who hurts and does bad to people around him.
Now, men and women perceive a bad boy completely different, let’s look at their perceptions:
Men Define a Bad Boy
- Disrespectful. The way most men see it, the bad boy doesn’t give proper respect for women around him. He doesn’t appreciate the fact that they’re beautiful and graceful. Therefore he’s also not entitled to be treated well by them. Here, of course, there’s great confusion when reality works differently than expected.
- Not nice. In recent years, men have been increasingly expected to be nice by default. This pressure came from childhood through women in power-positions (nanny, teacher) who did their best to teach boys courtesy (from a feminine perspective, unfortunately), and continues to come from the feminine environment in adulthood.
Today men also expect other men to behave with consistent kindness. The bad boy usually doesn’t meet the requirement, and is labeled by men as an unpleasant person.
- Egoist. As a derivative of niceness, men are expected (by men and women) to help and support whenever they are asked to. No wonder then, that men will also see the bad boy who doesn’t always come and help, as a bad person.
This judgment can be well seen when it comes to emotional support for women, and the bad boy is not being the supporter he’s expected to be.
Women Define a Bad Boy
- Authentic. The most important point. In the eyes of women, a man who isn’t nice just because it’s expected of him, doesn’t give support just because it’s the norm – he’s actually extremely loyal to himself. His interests come way before others, and this is the most natural human behavior that can be.
- Funny. Girls find bad boys hilarious, in the good sense of the word. The unpredictability of his behavior makes interactions with him intriguing and fun.
- Stable. When a man doesn’t see manners as a big deal and behaves as he sees fit – even if it means being cold and disgusting – he’s perceived by girls as a man with a clear purpose. Nothing will get him out of focus. Nothing will take him off balance. Not the comments from the environment, not etiquette, not even a stunning girl.
Why Being Nice Doesn’t Work
How nice, patient and smiling are you in everyday life, to people who can’t give you anything? The vast majority of the population will behave much more positively to their boss than to a friend of more than 10 years. Crazy, right? It seems delusional and morally wrong, but that’s reality. From the boss there’s something to gain (or fear of being fired) while the relationship with the friend is lighthearted and less afflicted with material interests.
So if we leave the question “is it appropriate?” aside, it seems that yes – people in general aren’t nice to people who won’t give them anything material, in contrast to people they actually want something from.
What You Convey to Her
Women are attracted to men of high status. This is the simple truth. Now, according to what we just talked about – what do you think a man conveys when he’s nice to a woman? “I need you”. She’s beautiful and graceful, and he’s so attracted to her that he feels the special need to behave extra nicely.
As you’ve seen, niceness tends to convey need, weakness. Girls feel it. When they communicate with a bad boy, on the other hand, who doesn’t give them this automatic sweet attitude, they think (consciously or not): “If he behaves like he has no fear of me leaving, he probably has more options other than me”.
I don’t have to tell you how high status is a man that many girls want. This fact is also supported by research. He automatically becomes more attractive, merely because he communicated to her: “You’re not special, I have other options”.
Men Don’t Get It
As with many issues in gender psychology, it’s difficult for a man to adopt the feminine point of view and see the rationale behind it. This is, of course, okay – and biologically speaking, men aren’t expected to understand women at this level; simply to behave according to their male instincts (aspire to alpha male status) and the puzzle pieces will fall into place.
The problem is that today, in a generation that is cut off from its masculinity, men have lost the ability to act according to their natural instincts. That’s why men are so confused by feminine behavior sometimes. They use a logic that’s built on masculine feelings to understand the female experience – it simply can’t work. It’s therefore important that we use learning to understand the world around us.
Remember the comparison between men’s and women’s point of view about bad boys? Men think to themselves, “I’d like my life partner to be nice, smiling and agreeable”. But that’s just because it is how they imagine the ideal woman for them. Since women, for the most part, aren’t seeking women, they look for entirely different characteristics. A woman doesn’t care how nice and pleasant you are like she cares about your status.
Status is worth more than a convenient character, biologically: A man with high status (monetary, social, etc.) can give her and their potential offspring protection, and there’s a good chance that they will imitate their father and be attractive as well. A nice man might be unable to protect her and the offspring. He didn’t exhibit features that imply he can, and has no advantage in the game.
Men, on the other hand, aren’t looking for protection, but for external beauty and a comfortable character in their partner. The first condition increases the chances for attractive children, and the second gives chance for a peaceful life with the future family.
If so, is it any wonder that men are stupefied when women choose a man with a problematic past, who’s bad-tempered and disrespectful? To them it’s a terrible mistake, but women see things differently.
How Would You Feel?
Although men and women respond differently to status signals, I think you can identify with the feeling of inauthenticity that girls get from men in the following example:
Imagine a person coming up to you at the grocery store and starts talking to you lightly. Nice, simple small talk. And the guy is really nice – he smiles 90% of the conversation, always supports and agrees with what you say.
Now do you feel it? He doesn’t look like a bad person, and the conversation is nice, but you have some kind of an unpleasant feeling. After all, you didn’t do anything special to receive such a wonderful attitude. Why, then? It bothers you more and more, until you start to simply wonder “What the hell does he want from me?“. It’s really difficult to be appealed, even platonically, to such a person.
But Girls Get Hurt by Bad Boys
It’s true, many girls fall into this trap when they see a bad man. I never said girls make a wise decision. They just go with their emotion, just as a man might find himself in a destructive relationship with a stunning model. Attraction can be destructive to our lives if it’s unrestrained – and women are quite likely to find themselves in such problematic situations. For instance, the huge attraction girls have for prisoners:
Criminals are a great example of men portraying the bad boy in all his glory, and chicks dig them. Clearly, the way from here to a relationship with a criminal or even a prisoner is short. It happened, happens and will continue to happen.
Attraction is responsible for this, and women aren’t going to “wake up to reality”. Just as men aren’t going to be attracted to ugly women with charming character. Some will simply choose to marry a model – annoying and problematic as she might be – and be miserable. We all make mistakes because of our biology. Accept it.
But It’s Not Fair!
Nature isn’t fair, and probably you are not a “fair” person as well. When was the last time you chose to be attracted to an ugly girl, because she too deserves some attention? Never. Attraction isn’t a choice. And just like unattractive girls should accept the reality that their market value is lower (at-least for now) than other girls’ – you must also accept that the market value of a nice man is generally lower than that of a bad boy.
Still, you can certainly take advantage of this fact to your advantage. As girls can lose weight, treat acne, etc. to raise their value, so can you work on your personality as a man (hey, why do you think I wrote an entire blog for?) and become attractive.
Why Acting like a Bad Boy Won’t Help You
A lot of men who notice the pattern of preferring the bad boy over the nice guy decide to try the bad boy’s approach. They behave with extreme rudeness, insult and dis girls they interact with. If you identify, you probably know it works – but not for more than a few moments.
A Good Trailer for a Bad Movie
When girls feel naughtiness from a man, they usually light up. When you play the role of the bad boy, it’s easy to see how all the attention goes to you, with eyes full of passion, curiosity, and fire. It’s powerful. But after a few minutes, this enthusiasm fades away, and the girl returns to being cold, sometimes even more than she was beforehand.
What happened here? The answer is disappointment. The man did not meet her expectations. She found that behind the cool persona there was another man who merely played the role of the bad boy, while truly he’s a complete beta. Why does this happen to men?
- Lack of believability. Not everyone is an actor from birth. Women feel when a man is disloyal to what he says, and his character crumbles in her mind.
- Exhaustion. Keeping an artificial personality isn’t fun. As time goes by, men get tired – the nice, too good man floats to the surface and the girl realizes who really she’s dealing with.
- Overwhelming achievement. Sometimes men are so amazed by the girl’s good reaction to their bad boy “character”, that they fear losing the progress they’ve made so far with her. Out of fear, they return to their old “nice” self, and the magic is gone.
- Congruency test. The girls you hit on weren’t born yesterday (I hope). You’re not the first man to do the trick of the bad boy with them. They want to know who really stands behind the persona. They will try to provoke you or ignore you, only to see that you’re consistent and true to the character you present to them. Most men fold quickly when they feel that the girl is cold to their bad boy character, and return to being too nice.
- Too much bad boy. As with any pretense, people tend to overcompensate. Meaning, in order to suppress a particular quality, people overdo the opposite one.
In our case, we’re dealing with a behavior that’s too mean, intended to cover up too nice a behavior. For example, a man who, in order to establish the image of the bad boy, behaves too rudely to the girl he’s with – belittles, ignores, humiliates and embarrasses her. Girls are as human as we are, and no one likes having his dignity crushed. They move away from such men like they’re fire. After all, who would agree to be humiliated constantly? Overcompensation doesn’t create balance (as people tend to think). Only a bad impression.
I don’t want you to draw from this list the wrong conclusion that you have to be a better actor and hold on to the bad boy character no matter what. It doesn’t work and certainly isn’t fun. Putting a charade throughout the entire time you’re in the presence of your partner and other girls? Terrible.
A More Sincere Way
To emphasize how playing a fake persona is unfair behavior toward girls, I will present an example of your world:
Imagine that you start knowing a girl, and things go fine. She is particularly attractive and her body is exactly right for your taste. After a short period of being together, she begins to go off her diet and gain significant weight. For no particular reason except that she’s now in a relationship and “it’s not that important.” Very quickly she loses the figure you loved.
At this moment it’s easy to simply say “I’ll leave her and find another”, and that’s what I expect to hear from an alpha male. Still, it’s impossible not to feel a waste of time and even an attempt at fraud.
For women, these feelings are much stronger, and there is a biological reason for this: Her window of opportunity to have children is significantly shorter than that of a man. In addition, as time goes on, her market value declines because she gets older and it’s hard for her to find a quality man. These two are terrible stressors on women (hence one reason for wedding obsession of women), and any man with a moral sense shouldn’t put on a mask he isn’t loyal to. Not only is it not fun, it’s also misleading. Choose another way.
What Does Work?
The alpha male doesn’t really take into account how nice he is and how much of a bad boy he is towards a girl. He’s just… himself. This honesty brings out a natural mix of good and evil towards the people around him.
Authenticity Does Everything for You
Integrity is one of the key traits of an attractive man. When you are faithful to your thoughts, beliefs and feelings, you automatically convey the bad boy in the right situations, and the nice guy when necessary – without thinking about it.
It makes sense, after all. Instead of calculating “what would “bad boy me” say” when you want to express yourself, just say what’s on your mind. Did you like something about her? It’s probably worth a compliment. Didn’t like something? Worth a tease / slur. A healthy, non-artificial dynamic is created.
Remember the reasons why women stay away from the bad boy that men try to embody? Notice that none of them is possible when you’re completely honest with yourself and your environment. And even if some are possible (for example, the girl thinks you’re too much of a bad boy), it’s okay – there simply wasn’t a chemistry.
These are things that always happen in a social setting – I mean, you don’t like every single person you meet, right?
How to Become an Honest, Attractive Man?
To learn how to transform into an authentic alpha male, you should familiarize with the lifestyle and worldview of such a man. A great place to start from is an article on how to treat women. I talk at length about using absolute authenticity in any interaction with women and people in general. To be “Who you are” and let your true nature guide your responses and statements.
You will soon discover that authenticity isn’t only one of the most attractive qualities in a man, but it will also give you an amazing sense of release from the shackles of society.
Keep in mind that, generally, dishonest behavior is a need to adapt yourself to society (a clear beta attribute in itself), out of psychological fear of being punished by the group or the alpha. For instance, through shunning that prevents you from breeding with the females in the group. When you get to the alpha male position yourself, there’s no fear. Who can punish you if you’re at the top of the chain?
Strive there using sincerity. Not only will you feel stronger and more attractive, but society will perceive you as such, too – and in the end, that’s the person they choose for an alpha.
Not a ‘Bad Boy’, But ‘Honest’
In order to make the transition to alpha easier, I want us to stop using terminology like “bad boy” now. As you’ve seen, guys who succeed with girls aren’t bad boys, but simply themselves, natural. They don’t use unnecessary courtesy and fake smiles. From now on, try to see these men not as “bad boys” – a negative connotation that will encourage you to be extra nice – but as “honest“. Sometimes just changing a word makes it easier for us to see things clearly and change in the desired direction.
Saying to yourself “I should be a bad boy” over time will probably not last – most of us are good people who don’t want to do / be ‘bad’ to those around us. That’s why terminology is crucial.
You will begin a process of becoming a more honest person, and won’t encounter an emotional barrier. Honesty has a very positive connotation, and rightly so.
For us to talk about why a bad boy is more successful with women, I examined the definition of this concept through the eyes of an average man and woman. Their perspective is completely different. Here lies the explanation for the positive attitude of women to the bad boy, and men’s wonder for this weird, seemingly illogical attraction.
I went on to explain why nice guys tend to be less successful with women, and what distresses women so much when a man behaves so positively toward them. I’ve demonstrated our distaste for “too nice” with an example from everyday life that men can identify with. This is in addition to the biological explanation that plays a huge role, and how men find it hard to grasp this point of view as males.
You may have protested that “it’s not fair.” While this is true, you can use it to your advantage and beat the not-so-cruel competition that men have today.
You may have understood from my words that you have to behave like a bad boy. So I’ve completely rejected this possibility with enough reasons why pretense doesn’t work, isn’t pleasurable and very misleading.
We went on to a real working solution: authenticity. I presented you with the benefits of honest communication, in which a man expresses himself freely, without filters and barriers. The result of such behavior is a communicational dynamic – one that feels natural, enduring and fun for both sides. The bad boy comes out through sincerity and in moments when you really feel that way, and the nice guy comes out at the right moments that keep your attractive image.
There are no rules in communicational dynamics, and there’s no point in learning it in order to behave in the real moment like a robot. The only way is to get used to an open conversation of sharing of your genuine thoughts and feelings – that way you become a man who expresses himself completely. Totally an alpha quality.
Finally, I briefly touched on the places in which you can begin a change of consciousness, and build a life of self-integrity. The entire blog is available to you.
I hope I helped you understand the whole concept about women’s weakness for honest men (not bad boys, remember?), and that I gave you motivation and direction to start making yourself a more authentic person towards yourself and the people around you.