How to Treat Women as an Alpha Male
The first, most basic assumption you want to have about women is: “She’s a human being, that’s all“. This is the mindset that most men don’t have, and as a result they are perceived as weirdos, creeps. Am I saying that it’s enough to treat a woman like your friend from the hood and that’s enough? Certainly not. But this is the meaning of the initial assumption (“women are humans”). This is where you begin, it’s necessary – because most men treat women like a very high status person. It never works well. Then they hear some advice from their buddies that you have to be an asshole with women – and women also back-off from this behavior. Therefore, you need a balanced place from which it’ll be easy and natural to build communication dynamics with women.
Understanding that She’s Only Human
As a man who wants to be an alpha, you want to get out of the social matrix that most men in the Western world are in: “Women are X”, “You should behave to women in Y”, “You should show women that you are Z”. I beg you, forget it. Throw that thought out of your beta-brain and start thinking logically.
Imagine that women were given advice on how to treat men, and one of the tips was “Talk to men like you are…”. I hope you’re cringing just as I do when I write these lines. Who wants to play charade?? You want to understand who is standing in front of you. Less makeup, less artificial behavior – more realness. Why think women are any different in this? The faster you understand this principle, the faster you’ll get on the safe path to excellent communication with women.
Women are just like us on many things. When you give women (or a specific woman) a different status than any other human being, you automatically stop behaving like yourself, and make adjustments according to the “status” of who’s in front of you. Exactly like how your behavior is different with the boss, compared to hanging with your friends. It’s inauthentic. When you alter her status in your mind (for better or worse), you create fertile ground for special treatment. Women feel and hate it, justifiably, for reasons I will touch later on.
Smashing the Idealization of Women
If I’ll tell you that women are not angels that spread only goodness in the world, and also that they are not fiends trying to create havoc everywhere – you will probably tell me, “I already know that!”. Most men would say that. And yet we always see men who put women on an imaginary podium and give them affection, support, love and resources. Sometimes more than they’d give to other people who love them for years and give them much more than just feminine attention.
It’s ugly and lacks basic integrity in my eyes (ironically, even in the eyes of this woman). So it’s crucial we drop the terrible idealism we’ve created for women. They are not special. They eat, sleep, piss, shit and sweat. I know you know this. But the trick is to remember those things real-time.
Moreover, it’s important to remember how human they are on the psychological side: They lie to avoid embarrassing situations, they are insecure about their appearance, they need compliments and confirmation from their environment regularly, they gossip about friends to feel good about themselves and more (not every girl is like that, of course. It’s simply to mention the potential vulnerable sides in their personalities – as with every person).
Armed with this knowledge, you realize women suddenly become much more earthly, simple and accessible than before. This is the starting point from which, in my opinion, you should perceive communication with women. The meaning’s simple: communication with a person who has fears, concerns, deviances and secrets just as I do.
Don’t You Have to Be an Asshole to Women?
No. You do not “need” anything. Now that we have agreed that women are, first of all, human beings – we will begin to treat them as such: Have you ever considered being extra nice or extra asshole to your friend to get something out of him? Probably not. That’s not how natural human communication works. It’s artificial and people, especially women, feel it. Then why think this would work on them?
Why Being an Asshole Works in the Short Term
Most men are beta. And as such, they will do anything (!) to please the woman. Part of the way to do this is behaving in an untrustworthy way (lack of integrity). The most common display is giving compliments like there’s no tomorrow.
Have you ever tried creating a fake account of a girl on Facebook or Instagram? Even if she’s not that pretty, she’s going to get lots of compliments and wooing. It’s not just social media, of course – but this way you can get a glimpse into the world of women. A sea of compliments, niceness, agreeableness. They’re so fed up with this!
They can’t have an honest, fun, and light conversation with a man without him kissing her ass in some way and putting her on a pedestal. It doesn’t mean they hate it. Quite the opposite – they need it. And yet they do not connect to this behavior on an emotional level. There is nothing new, challenging and exciting in a stranger saying you’re beautiful.
Then one day comes a man who has reached a decision: “I’ll be an asshole to women!”. He meets a beautiful girl and starts throwing micro-insults during the conversation. You realize why her eyes lit up, right? She finally sees someone who doesn’t put her on the podium, and even teases her! It’s refreshing, it’s new.
Maybe there’s some action here. But very quickly, a person who holds the “asshole” method will not be able to stabilize the conversation back to being an honest, healthy communication. He didn’t yet understand, unlike you, that women are human beings and want to be treated as such.
He’ll continue to slur and insult, and the conversation will quickly become boring at best, or humiliating at worst. Neither a mentally-healthy woman nor a man likes being degraded. In the case I’ve described, the girl will simply lose interest.
She tried to understand what you are about. And once she realizes that the humiliating behavior is merely manipulation to get her response – she’ll walk away.
Are Men and Women Exactly the Same?
No, they’re not. But I didn’t want to go into dealing with “how an alpha male behaves to women” just yet, because it implies that women are “something else” – and need to be approached with a different mindset.
Now that we have laid the foundation that women are human-beings who want to be treated as such, we can talk about the alpha male approach in his communication with women around him.
How Should I Behave to Women?
From surfing the web, I am horrified by the terrible advice I read – both in forums and in “serious” sites. Long lists about how much you, as a man, must respect a girl; how much you must give her compliments and protect her.
Let’s get one very important matter straight: You do not “must to” anything. Not to a random girl, not to your girlfriend / wife. You are an independent person who decides alone if someone’s worth your attention, your protection and your compliments.
Nowadays, the information on the Internet only represents what we see in reality: Women receive special status because they are women. An alpha male does not give benefits (like a warmer-than-usual attention and a nicer attitude) to someone just because she’s a woman.
In the alpha’s point of view, and indeed in reality, there are many beautiful women. A random woman has no uniqueness, for now, over other beautiful women around. His attitude towards such a woman is neutral until she earns a different attitude from him. Be it positive or negative. A gentler, common way to say this is: “Be yourself”.
Hitting on Girls While Being Neutral – Contradictory?
Definitely not. But I understand why it might look like this. I’ll present it differently: You’re in the middle of shopping and see a man with a shirt of a band or an artist you like. You may throw a word and a conversation will build-up between you (I know that it happens to me all the time).
Are you “hitting” on him? In some way, yes. After all, you’ve given him a bait to start talking about something that interests you both.
Is the conversation neutral? Definitely – both of you are adults with your own lives, preferences and standards. You do not give him special treatment to get something out of him.
If suddenly one of you starts to, say, ignore the other by looking at the phone consistently while the other is talking – clearly, this will end. And the side that was ignored will have a negative perception of the other person. He did not meet the standard.
This is proof that you can certainly be the one who drives initial interaction, but it doesn’t in any way requires you to give the other person special treatment. So there’s no contradiction in hitting on a girl while at the same time being neutral. You are yourself. This is the type of communication that women (and all people, in fact) appreciate and respond well to.
How to Be Yourself in Front of a Girl?
It’s very important to remember that the alpha male, in essence, is less dependent on others. Rather, others depend on him. A person dependent on others will have to manipulate and change in order to fit his environment (e.g. by behavior or dress-code).
The beta, the dependent man, must fit-in and not deviate from the norm. Because if he says or does something that is inconsistent with the group’s perception, he may become an outcast.
A good way to see this happening is to simply observe a conversation between a beta male and a pretty woman. Lots of nodding, approval and compliments on his part. He tries so hard to fit her worldview, it just screams ‘dependence’: “Am I good enough for you?”.
The alpha male is completely different. What he says, thinks, expresses – now becomes the norm. It doesn’t necessarily have to be expressed in actuality. It’s sufficient that a man truly believes in his own way – and immediately the difference in his tone will be felt when he speaks. The environment responds accordingly. He has no fear of anyone. He shoots-out who he is, and there’s no one to punish him for it – since there’s no one “above him” in this society. He’s himself.
I think that’s why the most common advice from women in dating is “be yourself“. It serves two purposes:
- Women hope to see your real persona.
- Woman hint about what they perceive as alpha – one who expresses himself without fear, “This is me, end of story”.
A Good-Enough Self
There’s no useful technique to “be yourself” except changing the perception that prevents you from believing that “yourself” isn’t good. Ask yourself:
- Why shouldn’t my opinions be said?
- Why am I smiling if I do not feel like it?
- Why do I say “yes” if I think “no”?
It’s important that you answer these questions seriously, especially in context of communication with beautiful women. Try to recall moments from the past in which you weren’t true to yourself, lacking personal integrity. Then ask yourself, “What was the impulse to behave like that?” I think you’ll discover quite a few things about yourself.
Now, for the sake of comparison, try to remember situations in which you have stood your ground, despite emotional or social stress.
Do you feel that? That small pride? These are the behaviors that cultivate the mentality of a strong, attractive and dominant man. An alpha.
Imagine yourself talking to a beautiful girl in the same mindset that you had back when you’ve put your foot down. Suddenly the concept of authenticity begins to be clear.
You know who you are, what your values are, what your limits are. And the fact that you have an attractive woman in front of you shouldn’t change anything. If she says or does something to your displeasure, you will express your true thoughts. On the other hand, if she does something praiseworthy – you might grant a compliment.
Now you can notice how things have turned: from now on you are the one who sets the tone, and she will adjust accordingly. While the rest of men adapt themselves to her (and in this act, asking “How will I be good enough for you?”), you set a personal standard. And this time she, this beautiful woman, will try to adjust herself to you. It reminds me of a wonderful saying:
“I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me, now I look around and wonder if I like them.”
I believe in natural attraction when two people communicate from a place of equality. The conversation, as we have seen above, becomes more pleasant and fun when there are no ego games or blind admiration. From this point, the road is paved to cultivate this bond in any direction.
However, it is possible and desirable to actively promote the romantic vibe in conversation. Since this article doesn’t deal with this subject, I won’t go into details here, but I will give you some guidelines:
Simple ways to give conversations a romantic touch
- Long gaze in the eyes, with a little smile.
- Strive for micro-touches on most opportunities.
- Talk about issues related to relationships, between sheets and so on.
- Sneakily suggest that you are better / superior than her.
- Kidding about situations of you as a couple.
I’m definitely not suggesting that this is all that’s needed to create attraction, but as I’ve mentioned, from the moment you have a “human” dialogue, light and authentic – a romantic vibe often manifests automatically.
Just think of how rare it is for her to have a straight man she can freely talk and laugh with, while also being treated like a mortal. This in-itself gives you a lot of credit. It is fertile ground for directing the bond to something more serious.
Through the understanding that women are just as human as we are, and want to be treated like a human (something we all know, but tend to forget) – it’ll be easier for you to start communicating with them from a base-point which says, “She’s a person just like me, and I need to communicate with her just as I do with everyone else”.
After you get used to this way of thinking about women, they lose specialness within your worldview. It’s a wonderful thing, because most men give women special status (most glorify, others humiliate – but everyone tries to get her affection in ways that aren’t authentic). When she loses the “goddess” status in your perception, you begin to see the human-being in her – and it is communicated in your words, behavior and attitude.
It works for the good of you both: She gets the desperately-expected authentic attitude from a man, and you get rid of the illusion that she’s worth more than you or your environment. The latter, in and of itself, gives you credit in her eyes as being a strong man, with life and occupations that are not dependent on her.
In order to get to the point where you can “be yourself,” you must understand well what psychological triggers make you behave with lack of integrity towards yourself (e.g. peer pressure, desire to be loved, etc.). This process requires you to know your boundaries, preferences, and distastes. In one word this is called “standards“.
With those standards you approach all your interactions with the world (now including communication with beautiful women). When you are aware of your standards, you communicate it in your speech and behavior – and women respond to it. The tables have turned. Instead of trying to fit into the woman’s world, now it’s her job to fit yours.
This communicative basis makes it possible to create an emotional connection (because such a conversation is, by nature, more fun and interesting than any other beta male who gives her medals on every second sentence) and, accordingly, a paved path for attraction and romantic relationship.
I hope I’ve been able to give you a clear look at how an alpha grasps communicates with women. In fact, it’s more correct to say: grasps communication with people. I believe you can now look at the subject with eyes of a stronger, more independent man. An alpha male who behaves as he sees fit.