Should I Stop Watching Pornography?
An endless amount of the most stimulating visuals to the human brain at zero price and maximum comfort – and we have to quit this amazing thing?? Yes. Absolutely. Pornography will, if not already, damage many areas of your life. In this article I will cover everything you need to know about porn addiction, how to stop watching porn, the benefits of stopping and more.
Disadvantages of Watching Porn
Watching pornographic material doesn’t do you any good in the long term. Some of the reasons I will present are relevant to all viewers, some are reported only by a portion of them, and some are specifically relevant to hard addicts. Try to see how much do you identify with the list, and even if you see a problem that doesn’t concern you – ask yourself if it’s just a matter of time.
1. Creates Low Self-Confidence
When you get used to watching other people do what you want to do, you may get aroused and enjoy on the most physical level – but something in you starts asking questions like “Is something wrong with me? Why is he getting some and I don’t?”.
Back in the day, the kind of material which dominated the industry was of professional productions. But in the past few years, the amount of homemade-pornography on the Internet has increased greatly (thanks to accessible cameras on mobile devices), making the questions in the head more difficult: “Why is everyone getting some and I don’t?”.
There’s also the sense of disgust that people feel when they “finish up” and then look at whatever’s playing on their screen, or at themselves and the mess they made. Being disgusted with yourself is a sure way to poor self-confidence. You don’t appreciate your persona – it’s disgusting. Shame, in other words.
These bad feelings accompany you not only around watch-time, but throughout the day. Which brings me to the next problem.
2. Creates Difficulty with Women
A direct derivative of the poor self-confidence. When you don’t feel worthy talking to girls, you will never get to sex, relationship, etc. Not with normal girls, anyway.
Women feel it when a man has no self-esteem, and they move away from such men like they’re sick. Do you know what this means for a man? Except for a decline in self-confidence, now he doesn’t have a girl, either. Are you starting to see where it goes? The immediate solution is porn. And there we have it – a vicious cycle: Watching porn à insecurities à uninterested women à watching porn.
In addition, porn makes it difficult for you to look at women as human beings in the full sense of the word. If your habit is to see them as a sexual object only (does it seem normal to you that majority of women you see are naked and do the dirtiest things on your demand?), you will probably find it difficult to communicate with them in reality. Even if your self-confidence is fine.
It’s hard to make the switch in your head from one moment to the other: A second ago all the girls were these dirty sexual creature at your service, and now they are people with needs, feelings and beliefs. And they are also dressed, on top of that.
Suddenly it isn’t easy to treat them how you would treat any other person. And as a result, never create good communication and attraction.
3. Extremely Addictive
Porn addiction is a real thing, and it’s likely that a huge percentage of men are completely addicted without realizing it. As with any addiction, here too, regularly watching sexual content may become a necessity for your brain.
This makes you prioritize pornography above other aspects of life, such as seeing friends and meeting women. For most men, it’s inevitable at some point – porn runs their lives more than they do.
4. Sexual Dysfunction
Constantly watching sexual content damages your performance in bed for several reasons:
- Hotter women. Let’s be honest. You love your girlfriend and think she’s beautiful. But… not as this porn star you’re really into, recently. If you get sexually aroused by gorgeous women, who fit your momentary desire, every day, with the click of a button – don’t be surprised if you’re eventually not attracted to your beautiful girlfriend.
- Amount and variety of women. The number of naked women you see on a single session is the same as the number of naked women a man from the past had seen in his entire lifetime, multiplied by 10, at-least.
It’s an incomprehensible stimulus to our brain. It isn’t prepared to receive such a huge reward in such a short period of time, and in return for zero effort (hiding this from family doesn’t count).
This new standard is completely unrealistic, and this is a key factor that makes your sex-life incredibly boring.
- Bold sexual acts. The world of porn is a place with nearly no limits. When it comes to the question “How bold can you get?” – There are no inhibitions.
Needless to say, reality is different from what’s on screen. Women and men have red lines, some of them can be crossed carefully and patiently, while others are absolutely forbidden zones, even to consider.
If you get used to watching stunning women having extremely daring sex, you will possibly begin to expect that from your partner. It’s quite unlikely that she’ll agree to do everything (if she does, you hit the jackpot there), and your automatic feeling will be disappointment.
- Habit of being a viewer. If you get used to experiencing any sexuality by watching other people have fun, you wire your brain to enjoy this exclusively. A strange standard for sexuality is forming in your brain: You develop a preference to see the body from a distance, from the side, from different angles, while at the same time feel like you are doing the act – thanks to your hand.
Is it any wonder, then, that you get bored with real sex when your brain doesn’t get what it wants to see? Forever you’ll remain stuck with your eyes above your penis, this is a fact. Watching porn conditions you to have unrealistic visual expectations.
By comparison, watching the POV category does not create this illusion.
All of these lead to men’s main problem with sexual dysfunction – impotence. This may be the most common issue in sexual dysfunction as a result of our pornography consumption.
When a healthy young man can’t make his buddy hard with a partner, it’s a big alert. It is important to remember that I’m not talking about a one-time letdown that people laugh about and move on. The desire for sex is still there, on both sides – and the lack of satisfaction creates tension in the air.
The man feels that he’s not good enough to make love, and the woman feels not attractive enough and this is why he’s not hard. This frustration sometimes goes on to the next try – and pressure doesn’t really help them both.
If porn was the only wall that was a problem for the man, add a bit of performance-anxiety to it. Relationships are destroyed and couples get separated because of this, plain and simple. This is not a negligible issue. I’m sure you’ve seen men who treats his gorgeous girlfriend awfully. Their relationship isn’t in good shape, and you think to yourself, “How can he disparage this stunning girl, if I was in his place I’d appreciate what I have!”. Well, now you’ve seen the main reasons for most of these cases, and the majority of men are definitely on their way there.
5. Waste of Time
No one feels like he had achieved something while closing the tabs in the browser and cleaning the mess. Some people finish things in a quarter of an hour and that’s somehow fine (and still, I could argue about the time that’s wasted in the long term). But as people watch pornography over the years, browsing-time becomes longer. There are three main reasons for this:
- They’re quite familiar with the material and spend more time finding novelty. Like a movie of a porn star that they hadn’t yet seen or a new category to explore.
- The stimulus isn’t what it used to be. They need more specific / hardcore material than what they used to watch in order to get aroused. And this takes time.
- The Internet is becoming smarter and faster than ever. Search engine algorithms, tracks over our personal taste – they all become more intelligent and try to give the user exactly what he wants. When combined with faster Internet than ever before, the browsing experience becomes even more engrossing and enjoyable. This makes it difficult for viewers to decide when to finish.
Average browsing of an “experienced” person can take 45 minutes, an hour and a half, and in extreme cases (and still, so many) 3 hours. Where are you on the scale? Now, what if a person does this every day? Hell, what if a person does this twice a day? Zooming out, he may find that about 15% of his life is made of sitting in front of a screen and touching himself. The thought in itself is shocking. So much time that could be invested in learning, working, friends, girls, fitness, self-development – in short, a better life.
6. Leads to Depression
Goes hand-in-hand with the lack of self-confidence. Merely watching other people having fun on-screen while reflecting on yourself in comparison with them, makes you, in addition, feel lonely.
On top of that, the shame you feel prevents you from even sharing your feelings with other people, talking to them and seeing similarities and finding empathy with others (since nearly all men do the same thing) – which is very encouraging. All these conditions together create emotional suffocation, loneliness and naturally – a certain degree of depression.
Advantages of watching porn
Yes, it sounds a little strange. But like with everything in life, there’s no black-and-white. Even pornography has certain advantages and it’s important to go through them as well.
Important: I specify them to give you a more comprehensive understanding of porn’s place in your life and as a way to encourage you. Not to make a point that porn is good. Regular use, overall, will not do you any good.
1. A Momentary Alternative to Women – You’re Not Desperate
The most important advantage which for some reason isn’t getting talked about at all. Porn can be a powerful tool to get men out of their sexual desperation, at-least partially. Before pornography, in all its forms, men had very limited realistic possibilities of sexual release, no matter the culture:
- Get married.
- Masturbate using imagination.
- Find a prostitute.
I deliberately didn’t include the possibilities of sex without consent, a mistress or even a girlfriend for obvious historical reasons – not in every culture sex outside marriage was acceptable, a man would risk getting murdered if he hurt a woman and not every man had the means to have a mistress. Which leaves all men of the past with 3 realistic options that aren’t particularly great. All of them have a distinct disadvantage such as high long-term financial costs or a poor experience. But men have to discharge, right? Thus, women and their genitalia have been a precious and desirable resource throughout history.
Pornography and erotica have changed the rules of the game. When a man could, for the first time in the history of mankind, see a beautiful woman naked without risking his life or paying money – he is free. At last he’s in a position where he can say “Screw it, woman – you’re not worth it” and go home to enjoy other women in magazines or online. It’s a tremendous power that men have today!
Have you ever wondered why women get so angry about porn? A large percentage of women make sure to announce how porn is disgusting, and how people who watch this stuff are miserable and can’t get a real woman. The reason for their outcry is simple: They won’t let their market-value go down.
If a man once had to “fight a dragon” for them, today he wouldn’t even bother paying for her on a date. He’s not chained to the woman and her body, simply because there’s a worthy competitor waiting for him at home. This reality makes many women lose their minds. The slave is free!
I want you to remember how porn plays a huge role in society today. How much leverage it gives you as a man who, until a few generations ago, couldn’t have known what female genitalia even looks like unless he paid lots of money or got married. Things have turned upside down, you’re stronger today.
Unfortunately, a huge amount of men serve the feminine side using the same tactic on men who watch porn: “Pathetic loser, get a real woman”, “Are you really watching this stuff??” and so on. There are 3 serious problems with such judgmental men:
- It’s very likely that they themselves watch porn and feel bad. Their convenient solution (more like, defense mechanism) is to project their guilt at people around them. “Practice what you preach” kind of case.
- They shoot themselves in the foot. As we’ve seen, when they label porn as illegitimate, women’s value returns to being unreasonably high.
- A man won’t stop watching porn and become a “real man” because of blames and accusations. Just like an alcoholic won’t stop drinking because people tell him he stinks.
So my suggestion to you is to pay no attention to people who turn porn into a bad thing per se. It’s not that porn is bad, rather it’s the effect on you in the long run. Just like how alcohol’s not bad in itself, but constant drinking and dependence is bad.
In this article I want to touch on the root of the problem and help you stay away until you feel that you no longer need it (and on the other hand, also don’t need any woman). An alpha male naturally needs the bare minimum. Others need him, not the other way around. The attitude towards pornography, then, makes you a bit more alpha. Amazing.
2. Better Performance
It’s true that regularly watching porn numbs your enjoyment of sex. But before the situation becomes functionally problematic (like impotence, lack of desire, etc.), there may be a positive effect: Porn kills the hypersensitivity a lot of men have, both neurologically and psychologically. Being with of a girl after proportional exposure to porn allows men to get less excited, and this is expressed in a longer sexy-time.
In addition, there’s the matter of technique. Regular exposure creates greater willingness in men to try new positions, specific touches and maybe even have sex in the first place! Men feel much more comfortable exploring a girl’s body after they have got to see it from countless angles on the screen. There’s no initial shock or aversion. The situation isn’t foreign to them, and things can go more smoothly.
Note: I don’t say that everything that happens in porn is also relevant for reality, as I argued above. There’s a lot of material bordering on exploitation, and everything must be done with the full consent of the people involved.
These advantages are real, and this only reinforces the claim that pornography isn’t bad in itself. If so, why don’t I recommend watching porn? For two main reasons:
- There are a lot more disadvantages than advantages.
- Porn is addictive. Extremely addictive. I know a lot of people who watch and a few who don’t. But I don’t know anyone who watches infrequently, in a reasonable amount. Anyone who’s a viewer becomes a regular customer, somewhere between obsessive and addicted. The fact that almost no one is able to function as a smart consumer proves that porn is really dangerous.
Am I Addicted to Porn?
If you read this, you probably watch porn a little more than you’d like. Still, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re addicted. Let’s see what does point to this. See if you identify with the following characteristics.
- Excessive viewing. Do you feel that your browsing sessions are getting longer? Do you find yourself keeping on watching for a much longer than planned? Losing sense of time during sessions?
- Frequent viewing. Do you find yourself browsing erotic sites more frequently than before? Do you watch it, on average, every day?
- Strong craving. Do you feel a physical need to finally browse erotic sites? Are you aching for it? Is the idea that you’re about to watch it soon, causing you extraordinary excitement?
- Changes in lifestyle. Do you find yourself pushing important areas of life (like friends, girlfriend, children, studies, work) aside and giving preference to porn? Are you planning your day in advance to fit your pornography sessions?
- Stimulation. Is viewing porn a default option for you when you have nothing else to do? Do you use porn to forget unpleasant feelings like anger and depression?
- Damaged relationships. Do you feel distant from your partner? Feel that your sexual function has been damaged? Find her less attractive for no apparent reason?
- Change in taste. Has your taste in porn become more extreme over time? Do you need a stronger stimulus (hardcore, violent, unconventional material) to get aroused? Feel that you have developed a tolerance and material that would’ve aroused you in the past isn’t enough today?
- Unsuccessful quitting attempts. Did you try to stop watching porn and after some time resolved back to your old habits?
- Secrecy. Are you silent about porn and your viewing habits with those close to you (friends, colleagues)? Do you feel a strong need to keep this a secret?
Since porn addiction is not yet a formal psychiatric definition, it’s difficult to say how many positive answers you need to give in order to determine addiction. Try to use common sense: If you feel that porn does have an adverse effect on your life, I think that’s a good enough reason to avoid it.
Why is Porn so Addictive?
In one word – It works on our brain in almost the same way as cocaine, nicotine and alcohol do in the brain of hard addicts. The mechanism is quite simple, really: Our brain translates erotic sights and ejaculation as survival success (in the brain’s terms, we’ve found a stunning partner and slept with her), and as reward, releases hormones like the famous dopamine, that makes us feel good.
It’s all nice and well until porn arrives. With the astronomical amount of sites, girls and action pornography offers, our brain fires those hormones madly. In terms of the brain, we just found a real gold mine here. A paradise of amazing girls who do the most stimulating things we can imagine.
It’s important to note that many things in life cause us to have a similar response in the brain – achievements, dates, food and more. But since porn has such a foothold in our lives, it is taking the jackpot. Nothing (legal) can compare to porn when it comes to the reward response in the brain. The brain is not prepared, biologically, for such an extreme stimulus.
So, is it any wonder that regular use of porn leads to depression? Nothing else is interesting and exciting anymore. What’s the significance in food and achievements when a person “lies” with hundreds of beautiful girls each day? Everything is reduced to triviality.
Additionally, the greater the reward – the greater your expectation for the next time. Our mind pushes us to enjoy all of this “loot” that awaits us, before it might disappear. It’s understandable. Who knows how long all the girls will stay in our room and wait for us before they leave.
The problem, of course, is that they are not there. They are an illusion of the computer monitor, and they won’t run anywhere. Our brain, as mentioned, doesn’t speak this language and doesn’t understand.
What Happens After Quitting?
Many people have chosen to stop watching porn in recent years, largely thanks to the famous NoFap movement. The vast majority of the “rehabilitated” report far-reaching changes in their life quality, even in areas that sound irrelevant at all. Here’s a list of the benefits that are frequently reported by people who have taken this big step and have quit porn completely:
- Better sex. Whether it’s performance or the feeling itself – sexual acts become more enjoyable for all those who are “off porn”.
It’s quite logical, really. Moving away from artificial stimuli on a screen leaves you hungry, and when the real thing comes, it means a lot to you and the pleasure grows. Which would not have happened if you were fed-up with sex in the first place.
In addition, this comes with a high libido – a stronger-than-usual drive to seek beautiful women and hit on them.
Erectile dysfunction also becomes a thing of the past for a lot of these people. In fact, a huge percentage of people who chose to quit porn did so because of this specific problem. For them, impotence was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
- High energy. I don’t know if this is the sense of pride, or a real physiological reason – yet a lot of people who quitted report higher levels of energy than normal. A desire to do, create, conquer.
There’s also a claim that these men are experiencing a massive increase in testosterone levels (“the male hormone”). But I checked a little deeper, and this doesn’t sound very reasonable to me. Only psychological. I found only one study that reinforces the claim, but it talks about a single day in which an increase was observed (a truly impressive spike, I won’t lie) and back to the baseline on the following day.
- High self-confidence. This shouldn’t be a surprise, especially after I’ve mentioned insecurity as a major disadvantage of constant exposure to porn.
When you quit, the shame that comes with watching and cleaning the mess you’ve made, no longer arises.
More than that, you feel “clean”, and rightly so – It’s not easy to break an addiction. Or any habit, in fact. Self-pride begins to take the place of shame and secrecy. You become a different person in the full sense of the word.
- Finding interest in the world. When porn is out of your life for a long time, your brain begins to give up the ecstatic experience it used to get from watching porn, and to slowly recognize the fact that the paradise with hundreds of thousands of girls is gone. Got to go back to reality and enjoy the little things, as they say.
And that’s exactly what the brain does. Over time, the powerful effect and sense of reward from porn begins to loosen-up in the brain. It forgets.
The only choice left for him is to find satisfaction in normal life: achievements, food, real sex, etc. It’s one of the most amazing gifts quitters get back.
- Good mood. A direct derivative of the previous advantage. Finding interest in the world means less depression and less sense of disinterest. The excellent mood is also due to the sense of pride that people who stopped watching have from their impressive achievement.
- Mental clarity. The opposite phenomenon is called “brain fog”. When men stop watching porn they report about an ability to suddenly think very clearly, as if the fog in their mind is gone. Their logic, reasoning, and decision-making abilities are restored to normal functioning.
I never felt this, even after I had stopped. But I believe it has something to do with the fact that now, after quitting, achievement becomes interesting for the brain. The man is willing to put effort and achieve results, as opposed to when he was too absorbed in porn. Perhaps this is how the feeling of “the brain is working again” is created.
Reports keep on coming. I touched only the tip of the iceberg. Still, I made sure to show the most significant and popular benefits that come from men who’ve quit porn completely. I read some strange testimonials (improvement in breathing, modesty, muscle mass and much more), yet I tried to stick to what’s most common and most reasonable physiologically and psychologically.
Disadvantages of Quitting Porn
You’re probably wondering if among all these amazing benefits I’ve presented, there are drawbacks to quitting porn. Well, in my humble opinion – no. I can’t think of anything bad that can happen because a man stops arousing himself artificially. I searched around the web for any cons of quitting, for quite some time – I found nothing. Not something worth mentioning, anyway. So no, there are no real drawbacks in staying away from porn, it’s just a difficult process.
How Do I Stop Watching Porn?
Quitting porn will be one of the most difficult changes in your lifestyle, especially if you think you’re addicted. But it doesn’t have to be so threatening. Here are some ways to help you stay away from erotic content long enough for you to feel that you no longer need it.
Surround Yourself with People
Remember those occasions when you wanted to “do the deed” and someone just came home? An irritating experience, but now you can take advantage of the understanding that the presence of people prevents you from watching porn.
Try to see friends and family more, invite them over. Not only will you keep yourself from watching, you will also strengthen your friendships and skills with people – always a good idea. Especially for a man who aspires to be an alpha.
Look for the Triggers
We all have habits in everyday life, and our brain links between situations that happen one after the other (think Pavlov’s experiment). If, for example, every time you look at Instagram when you’re alone, you have a strong desire to watch porn – remember that Instagram is a trigger for you. A possible solution is avoid being on Instagram when you’re alone. The same principle applies to all types of triggers and associations that you recognize in your life and are related to viewing porn. Try to avoid them and things will be a lot easier for you.
When in Crisis – Find a Woman
The need to find sexual satisfaction can be channeled into two main directions:
- Watching porn.
- Having sex.
Select the second if you’re about to relapse, or at least aspire to. Send a message or meet someone you like. Doing so can kill a little time until the storm passes, while you calm your mind by working towards the same goal – a female. Like the advice of surrounding yourself with friends, here too you kill two birds with one stone: Avoidance of watching while communicating with a desirable girl. Another alpha point for you.
Block Pornographic Websites
Sometimes you just have to protect yourself from yourself. Today there are adult-content blockers for all major browsers. True, using them doesn’t mean total protection from you. So my recommendation is to block access with a password you ask a friend to insert. This way you won’t be able to break through the defense, and even if you really want to, you won’t ask the friend because it’s just so embarrassing.
Don’t Be Shy to Seek Professional Help
I know this isn’t really a solution on my part, but if you really tried everything I suggested here, and you still don’t see any improvement or having too much difficulty quitting, even after many attempts – I advise you to see an expert.
Many men are in a state where they already need professional intervention and are ashamed to talk about it. They say to themselves: “Is it not enough that I watch porn, I also have to admit that I’m an out-of-control addict?”.
But the truth is, as I mentioned earlier in the article, that a lot of men are now in this situation. Porn is just everywhere, and a lot more people than you think fall victim to this honey trap. Put the shame aside and talk to someone who can help.
Should I Stop Masturbating Completely?
Part of the discourse on the benefits of quitting porn is overlapping greatly with quitting masturbation in general. The logic behind it is how masturbation may be associated in your brain with porn. In other words, if you stopped watching porn, everything’s fine – but when you touch yourself, do you imagine porn? Do you recall what you used to watch before? Some will say that it’s definitely better to stay away from masturbation altogether in order to return to a truly proper state.
I think there’s a lot of logic to this argument. Still, I have no doubt that quitting porn alone will definitely make a significant difference in your life by itself. So my suggestion to you is this: Start from the elimination of porn only. Did you give it a go, succeeded for 3 months and found that there’s no significant improvement in your quality of life? Now try to take masturbation out of the equation. Maybe salvation will come from here.
To me this seems the best way, simply because stopping with porn is already pretty difficult, and it’s very important to me that you will experience success. I’m careful not to load too much trouble on you at the same time. But hey, you are your own boss (have you already forgotten that this is a blog about being an alpha male?) – do as you like. If you feel strong enough to take the two tasks together, just in case – you should definitely go for it. Plus I appreciate the courage.
I chose to start the article by drawing out the main drawbacks of watching porn. Pornography has a terrible impact on quality of life for a large percentage of men in the western world. From poor self-confidence, to physiological problems and obvious symptoms of addiction – porn doesn’t do us any good.
For fairness and wholeness, I also touched on the advantages of viewing porn, and I put special emphasis on the new power that men have recently gained – a momentary alternative to women. Women are no longer an out-of-this-world being and an unattainable dream that men will do anything for. Porn has become a worthy competitor for male sexual attention. As a result, men (who understand this) are not desperate as they were before.
I went on to help you understand whether you are addicted to porn. I’ve listed a number of questions, according to which you can get an idea about your pornographic consumption habits.
It was also important to deal with the physiological reason why porn is so addictive, up to the point that I don’t know anyone who uses porn moderately. It’s all or none for most people – very alarming.
From there I moved on to the feelings that men claim to have after they managed to get out of their obsession with porn. Quitters describe numerous advantages, and I chose to present the main and most common ones. I also pointed out that there are probably no disadvantages in quitting.
Then, I showed some methods on how to stop watching porn. I’ve presented a number of ways to create an environment that will make it easier for you to accomplish this difficult task.
Finally, I discussed the possibility of avoiding masturbation at all. And this is certainly a fine option, but in my opinion it makes the initial task even more difficult. That’s why I suggested a step-by-step approach – first porn, then, if you feel the need, masturbation.
Pornography is a domain that still isn’t talked about enough (in a fair way). People start a habit that looks innocent (okay, it doesn’t look innocent) and develop an addiction that controls their lives, destroys relationships and even their health. I truly hope I’ve been able to give you enough information, tools and motivation to stay away from porn. You don’t need it. An alpha male doesn’t need to sit at home in front of a screen and touch himself – he finds his satisfaction in reality and devours the world. I wish you a lot of success.