How to Be Funny (Without Being a Clown)?
Throughout your life, I’m sure you’ve seen how obsessive women are toward funny guys. They can’t take their eyes off such a man, and are always looking for a way to interact with him. You may have been trying to be a funny guy, and maybe you really are – but something there just doesn’t work. Before you blame your appearance or lack of money, you must understand: It’s not the joke, it’s the atmosphere, the vibe you create. In the eyes of an attractive, alpha man, her laughter is not the goal here, but rather creating a pleasant vibe for himself and the people around him. Why is it so important? How can you be funny and attractive just like these guys? The following guide will answer these questions and many others.
Advantages of a Sense of Humor
It’s important that at first you understand why we want to develop our sense of humor – what will it give us and what is the impact of humor on our environment.
- A happier life. When I laugh, I feel as though there’s nothing wrong in my life and the world, as if I have zero problems, and even if there are some – they are very small and negligible. I’m sure you feel the same. Laugh relaxes. A moment of total detachment from the past and the future. A complete focus on the present and how fun it is. Think about how your day, your life will be, filled with such awesome moments.
- Mental health. A person who laughs a lot and has a humorous worldview is more likely to maintain his mental health (study).
- Relief from tension and sorrow. Our ability as human beings to look at the same situation from different angles is the main reason for arguments, hatred and even wars. On the other hand, it allows us to change thought patterns about things, solve problems and invent new stuff. This implies that we are also able to change our emotional baggage about events and people.
For example, death of a close person can become much easier to cope with if one chooses to focus on the humorous side of things. Say, to joke about how in the next world, he’ll probably drive angels crazy with his story about the parrot. Or be entertained by the idea that now his widow wouldn’t be upset by the mess he was making around the house. True, these things would be said with some bitterness, but they certainly lift the gloomy feeling a bit. It’s worth it.
- Affection from the environment. This one is obvious. Humor has the power to turn you from a regular person in a group to its star. Sometimes up to the point that people will not want to come meet with the group if you are not there. Your ability to brighten the atmosphere is worth a fortune and becomes necessary for them.
Disadvantages of a Sense of Humor
I’m a big believer that a sense of humor, by itself, has no drawbacks. The problem is where you can be dragged with humor when used unwisely.
- Possibility of offending people. The point in humor is the distortion of reality in amusing ways. Sometimes, people say or point out things that have a heavy emotional load, and the attempt to bring them into the realm of humor becomes hurtful. Offensive.
In my opinion, at the most basic level, a person shouldn’t shut himself up because of the sensitivity of another person. And yet, I do suggest to use your head and be careful here. Not because something bad will happen to you (in this blog I speak from an alpha male perspective, meaning no one can “punish” you), but because there’s no reason for people around you to be offended, especially if they are dear to you. Sometimes the price isn’t worth the gain with certain comments. Of course, I’m not talking about extreme situations where people get offended by everything that’s said around them.
Think twice before you humorously touch on a very sensitive subject, like a person’s appearance.
- A way to mask aggressiveness. A lot of people, mostly men, use humor to hide negative sentiments. This behavior became more common with the recent popularity of characters such as House (House MD), Chandler Bing (Friends), Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory), Ron Swanson and April Ludgate (Parks and Recreation), Daria Morgendorffer (Daria) and many others. These are extremely popular characters because people have been able to emotionally connect with them through solidarity. And with their more frequent appearance on television, “the cynic” has become more accepted than he used to be.
This may seem like a good thing – aggression that’s not translated into anger and violence, but sarcastic comments. It is better, but not optimal.
Emotional health means revealing and expressing what is bothering and irritates you. It means talking about your feelings in a mature way – not through the mediation of sophisticated slurs like a 15-year-old girl that’s rolling her eyes on every second sentence.
Yes, of course cynicism is a nice little tool for stinging when the person in front of you is too stupid to talk with directly. Still, try seeing sarcasm as a guilty pleasure, not as a way of life. It doesn’t do well for anyone.
One can learn from the advantages and disadvantages of humor, that it’s similar to a knife. There’s nothing wrong with a knife, it’s a wonderful tool that helps everyone. It is your choice whether you use it to make tasty food or stab people.
Funny Men Are Not Attractive
Before you think I contradict myself and talk nonsense, I’ll clarify: Being a funny guy doesn’t make you attractive. To be a man who creates a fun atmosphere – yes, absolutely.
When people are in a place where the vibe is fun and social, they feel good and they laugh easily. They appreciate the feeling that a charismatic, dominant man creates with his presence, and if he also makes jokes while he’s at it – even better. In other words, it’s not the laughter or the excellent joke that turns a man into a girl magnet (and people in general), but the atmosphere he manages to create.
Sophisticated Jokes V.S. Silly Jokes
There’s a widespread belief among men that the wittier a joke is, the funnier it will be. They don’t necessarily say that, but certainly act accordingly. Over time, these men see it doesn’t work – people don’t react positively. Yet laugh and enjoy the stupid, simple comments and jokes of others.
What do these men conclude? “People are ignorant – they laugh at nonsense and have an inferior sense of humor”. That’s how they slowly develop a belief that they are smarter than the rest, and that’s why, in their eyes, they lack social success.
But the truth is that the cleverness of a joke or how sophisticated it is – matters nothing. It’s also not that the public is stupid, and they’re smarter (it may be true for a fact – but not the reason). It’s just that they didn’t create a vibe. They just threw a joke into the air and put their hopes in it.
I’m sure you’ve seen men who crack girls up and a crazy attraction in built there – and what are their “jokes”? Funny faces, slurs, tickling and other nonsense. It’s not sophisticated and it’s not really funny in itself. But they first created a vibe with the girl! They have a warm connection now. They create an aura of fun, and everything they say, is automatically light and funny.
Creating a light atmosphere with a woman is an art in itself. There lies the whole secret. If you manage to make people around you feel comfortable, be present in the discussion, dominant (simply put, alpha male – the main theme of the blog), you’re already more funny and interesting than some shy dude who throws a genius joke once in a while.
By the way, don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate smart jokes, but they usually belong in series and movies. Less suitable for interactions in the real world.
Attractive Men Are Funny
As I said, a girl will find almost anything that an attractive man says as funny (in a good way). This man has status in the eyes of the environment, and consequently – in her eyes as well. She laughs because, first and foremost, she feels comfortable being in his presence, thanks to his status. This is in complete contrast to a quiet and gentle guy whose only quality he manages to demonstrate is clever humor.
Think about this for a moment: What is laughter? Strange sounds that people take out of their mouths while smiling and being short of breath. Laughter is not a quiet and personal action:
- The number of times we laugh with all our heart until it’s difficult to breathe, is close to zero when we’re alone. People are usually involved.
- Laughter is never done in absolute silence. It’s hard to hide laughter, and its noise attracts attention.
I say this to make you think about the girl’s point of view. If she laughs, she will label herself, socially, as someone who’s deep in conversation with the funny person. If she doesn’t find this man attractive, or her society doesn’t see him as such – the chances she’ll laugh are close to none! She will not agree to “be seen” with a commoner. Laughter would expose her. Therefore, no matter how great a joke is, women know how to hide their true feelings well, and use this ability to avoid laughing with a guy whose social status isn’t high enough for them. This explains two things excellently:
- The reason women will not laugh at great jokes from a low-status man.
- The reason why women will laugh at bad jokes (and even things that aren’t meant to be funny) that come from a high-status man.
With this critical understanding, I want you to start looking at women and humor from a different angle: The power of humor is derived from how attractive a man is – not the other way around. Huge.
How to Make a Girl Laugh?
After you’ve created a positive atmosphere with charisma, dominance and sociability – your words automatically have great power. If people feel that it isn’t worth hearing you out, that there’s usually no value in what you say – they will not listen; and no matter how funny is what you say, they will not pay attention. And as we’ve seen, even if they pay attention to what you say, your social status greatly influences the power of what you say (how important, interesting, and funny your statements are).
I deliberately speak in plural, “society”, since women are strongly influenced by the way her close environment perceive reality. Men are like that too, of course, but when it comes to choosing a mate, women give a lot more weight to what her surrounding has to say.
If so, I assume that you’ve already made an impression of an alpha male on her. From here we can touch on all kinds of methods and approaches to bring out some smiles and laughs from a girl.
Come with a Funny Mindset
Before I go over techniques, it’s important crucial that you’ll understand: If you’re not in a vibe for laughter, nonsense and fun – no technique I explain will be very successful. Let me be more accurate – you simply won’t know how to find the right moments and opportunities. Nor create them.
Do you have those days when you’re just upset, nervous, or just way too serious (like all of us sometimes)? It’s nearly impossible to spot the funny things in the world when you’re in such moods. The humorous frequency the world transmits slips away from you. There are several ways to prevent sinking to the too-serious side of the world:
- Watch comedy. The material we watch has a decisive impact on our emotional state, especially if it is content with a serious emotional load (study from the University of Malta). If most of the series and movies you see are from the genre of drama, thriller, action and horror – it’s easy to take life too seriously.
A convenient solution is to allow some comedy on your screen. Just as the characters in comedy shows and movies find the funny aspect in everything, or are a part of it – you will begin to look at the world from this angle as well. Over time you will find yourself seeing the amusing side in so many things, and the vibe you create with your environment will always strive to be light.
Be careful: Avoid content with cynical or gloomy humor. Although it’s still humor, but significantly less social, more heavy and pessimistic. Not the kind of vibe you want to draw much of.
- Meet with friends regularly. Generally speaking, you want to be in a human environment more often. Groups have a natural tendency to be positive and light. Have you ever tried to bring-up a very serious subject in a group of friends? Probably the subject was elegantly and quickly changed into something lighter and funnier.
Take advantage of the stubborn vibe in groups, and meet your friends regularly. You will feel over time how the world gets an amusing hue when you surround yourself with friends, especially those who are not very serious.
- Stop thinking about it. Because we live in the age of information, we dedicate our lives and our greatest resources, as a society, to studies, empirical analysis, science and so on. Perhaps this worldview and its education system have made us more analytical and logical than we’d like to be.
I’m sure you’ve once repeated a word so many times that it suddenly lost its meaning. When we approach things as participants, such as jokes or funny situations, we can truly experience them. If we begin to explore them in depth, perhaps we will understand a thing or two about their nature, but won’t enjoy them. If you explain – you kill the joke, as they say. Humor and logic are not good friends, try to separate the two.
It was hard for me to stop thinking about “Why is X funny?”, I got the joke, but my analytic brain really wanted to dig out the reason (maybe so I’d learn a concept and be funny myself). At some point, comedy did not make me laugh, even though the material was good. I just approached comedy logically, I came in order to study, and this is a death sentence for the comic experience. Although you can’t actually stop thinking (“Don’t think of pink elephants”, oops…), but you can focus your attention elsewhere: the plot, the relationship between the characters, etc., both on screen and in reality. This will turn off the endless analysis of humor and allow it to simply hit you like a wave.
When your mind is in another frequency – comical, light, fun – you can find with amazing ease entertainment in your life and in bring it to the lives of those around you. With such a positive vibe, you’ll make girls around you laugh without even trying. Let’s now talk about practical techniques.
Today’s girls, especially the most beautiful ones, are treated very admiringly by men. In addition, the primary way women create attraction nowadays is by external appearance, beauty. When you tease a girl, you shatter the bubble of idolatry that has been created around them. This is especially powerful if you touch on something fundamental, like her appearance. There are clear advantages to teasing:
- Goddess no more. When 90% of the men the girl interacts with compliment her non-stop, she feels that she’s better than them. A divine creature whose male subordinates would do everything for in exchange for kindness and grace. It’s hard to blame her, with such blind admiration every day.
But then, one day, a man comes along, challenging her and bursts this bubble. The initial response is shock, and that’s a good thing – you’re no longer anonymous to her. You have emotional value in her eyes, whatever it may be. The main idea is not to be “one of the millions”.
At the same time, bursting her floating bubble of a goddess brings her to the ground, to the world of humans – in which there is imperfection and she is equal among equals.
Not only is this a very easy and sane starting point for honest and healthy conversation, it also puts you in the role of “the one who burst the bubble”, someone who wasn’t afraid to yell that the king is naked. Automatically, your status is high in her eyes.
- Create closeness. This idea doesn’t feel intuitive for some people. Why would teasing create closeness and not rejection? To understand the logic, just remember how you talk to the people closest to you. Is it in constant praise, courtesy of a nobleman and perfect mutual respect? Absolutely not. We save this behavior for strangers. With those closest to you, you are way more direct, freer and somewhat sarcastic. And the reason is clear: You feel close. There’s a strong bond there. You communicate on a completely different frequency at this stage in your familiarity. You understand what’s considered an insult, what’s alright, and enjoy exploring boundaries like children.
When a man teases a girl, he stops the flow of conversation that happened until now – that is, formal, cautious and unnatural – and transfers it to a different frequency, which is reserved for close-ones only. Women immediately feel affection and closeness to you because you act comfortably and give them freedom to be themselves. Now they can slur, flatter, open up emotionally – all with a sense of belonging and genuine companionship with you.
- Not afraid of the consequences. Men fear teasing girls out of fear that they will offend them and the conversation will end. The opposite is true. Girls appreciate that you say what you think, and don’t fear the possibility that she’ll get up and leave.
Why do they appreciate it? Because your lack of fear gives them a clear message: “this man has more options. I’m not special (yet)”. An alpha male always tends to come from a thought, a worldview, of “there are more possibilities out there”. He’s not worried. If this time he doesn’t succeed, there will be countless other opportunities in which he will.
When a man fears a girl’s reaction to teasing (or any reason), he’s probably very desperate, a beta – not attractive at all. Through teasing, you get out of this potential definition immediately, and receive the status of a man with enough alternatives – permanent characterization of an alpha male.
You’re probably asking yourself, “How much is too much?“. But my suggestion to you is to take a different look. When you ask me “how much”, it shows me one thing: You don’t mean the teasing and the things you say to the girl. Remember I said above that teasing creates closeness because it’s like a conversation between people who know for years? After all, there’s no chance you’d ask someone “How much is too much teasing for my brother?”. If you don’t understand “how much is needed”, then you still don’t understand the concept of teasing as a whole.
You must see her as someone close. One you laugh at with great love, and if you hurt her deeply you apologize and move on. Because that’s what friends / families do. When you see her as a close person, not only will the conversation be lighter and funnier – you will also automatically know where to draw the line, as you already do with the people who are most dear to you.
Us and Them
The principle of unity and a sense of “it’s us against the world” / “our thing” is an important technique in creating attraction with a girl, and also closely coincides with our ability to make her laugh.
This usually happens by the man, as he creates an atmosphere in which he and the girl are the only ones in the world, on a particular matter – while the rest are different from them, for better or worse. Here are two possible examples in the workplace or school:
- You: “Have you noticed how everyone‘s doing homework all the time? I’m starting to think that you and I are the only ones with a life here” (positive example).
- You: “Have you noticed how everyone‘s doing homework all the time? I’m starting to think that you and I are the only ones who will fail / get fired and become street cleaners” (negative example).
Whether you choose to use humor that praises the two of you – positive, or humor that dissed you – negative, both situations are good and quite useful. In both of them you achieve the goal – putting the two of you under one umbrella “against the world”. You make your communication and bond unique, meaningful. Everyone is X, we are Y. We’re no longer part of society in a sense, but rather separated, special two people.
Women like this feeling. Not only because of the obsession that many of them have for uniqueness (“I’m not a typical girl”, how many times have you heard this from the most typical girls?), but also because there’s romantic weight here: You’re the man who takes her out of the crowd to other places, to another life.
Therefore you should try and make use of this technique on its bright side – as in “We are better than them”. The negative side also has its place, but for a slightly different reason: While you do create unity in your connection with the technique in a negative context, it’s not very romantic. What is it, then? Funny.
When you make fun of both of you, the girl is willing to give up her “status” for a moment if you present the situation amusingly. As long as you’re an alpha in her eyes, she would be okay with the idea of ”leaving the pedestal” because she knows it’s not real. She knows that you (and her as well, if she has the privilege of talking with you) are of a high standard, of a respectable status, and it’s difficult to take self-dissing and mild humiliations seriously. It feels absurd, and therefore liberating and fun.
The negative approach wouldn’t work perfectly for a man who’s initially perceived as weak, as low status. When he disses the girl and himself together, she won’t feel comfortable being on the same boat. She will not feel absurdity when he disses them, because where’s the absurdity here? If she doesn’t have the feeling that he’s an alpha, he doesn’t have enough credit to laugh at himself and take her down that road. This behavior is “allowed” to those who are undoubted as high-status – any self-deprecation is fine – because the contrast to reality is clear.
Here’s a table on the two approaches to “us and them”:
|Us and Them (positive)||Distinction of the couple from “the crowd” in a positive light||– Creates closeness
|Us and Them (negative)||Distinction of the couple from “the crowd” in a negative light||– Creates closeness
Don’t get the impression that this technique, on its positive side, is irrelevant to how to make a girl laugh. It’s not just about attraction, romance and closeness – once you’ve made a warm connection with a girl around some subject, you automatically have a private joke. Whether positive or negative about you two. Personal jokes have tremendous power in interpersonal relationships. Try to use the positive technique to create a funny atmosphere for the long run.
By the way, if you have a good sense of humor, I have no doubt that you’ll also find ways to make the positive technique very funny in itself. Remember that you don’t necessarily have to dis the two of you to make it funny. You could, for example, have a laugh at other people’s dumb behavior, and how much you’re above that. Do not limit yourself. This way you’ll enjoy both worlds – romantic and amusing.
Take Things out of Context
A powerful way to make a normal conversation very amusing is to take things that the girl says and give them a completely different spin. A great example: Eating out together, the man finished before her and she says “Wow, you’ve finished fast!”, and he responds “Yeah, I’ve been without a woman for years and you have no idea how hard it is”. Taking things out of context is useful for four reasons:
- It’s clever. Smoothly pulling out these responses is pretty impressive.
- It eliminates formality and creates closeness. Like any kind of humor between two people.
- She may think you are serious and respond accordingly. This means fertile soil for mild abuse (trolling).
- It’s possible and desirable to use this technique to move the conversation into a dirty context, as in the example above. It’s great because you kill two birds with one stone: Having fun while making the discussion more intimate.
Taking out of context is powerful, but it’s important you remember two limitations:
- Don’t go overboard. As with any concept in human interaction, balance is key. If you make too much contextual misunderstandings, the girl will just think you’re an idiot. Even if you tell her that it’s a joke and everything is in good spirit, at some point it’ll get annoying.
I’m sure you would feel the same if someone deliberately took the things you say out of context non-stop. It’s frustrating, like there’s no one to talk to.
- Not exclusive to naughty subjects. If a man uses this technique solely to lead the discussion to an intimate subject, he may be perceived as desperate. The girl will wonder why he is so obsessed with using her every word for something dirty. It’s unnatural, unpleasant and very needy.
What’s Funny But Destroys Attraction?
As we saw at the beginning of this article, a funny man is not necessarily attractive. There are types of humor that bring out a lot of positive reactions from people, but attraction isn’t one of them. We call a person who uses this kind of humor regularly as a “clown”.
First of all I’ll say that there’s no problem, and even better, to not take yourself too seriously. Regardless of whether it’s attractive or not – it just isn’t fun. It’s always healthier, mentally, to be light about yourself, and accept that you make mistakes and not perfect.
People love and appreciate such humility, they identify with it. Anyone who chooses to present himself as a human being and nothing beyond that, is perceived as a more pleasant and honest person.
Some people understand this concept and its ability to extract positive responses from the environment, and use it excessively. Every second sentence they blurt refers to their mistakes and stupidity. At first, people respond well, but it quickly becomes apparent that this is all such a person can offer to get some attention – self-humiliation. There’s nothing attractive about a person who has no minimal self-respect. A classic clown right there.
Shocking, Extreme Humor
I’m not talking about black comedy or offensive humor, but about extreme behavior or a shocking act that makes the environment laugh like a circus audience.
Remember that episode in South Park where the kids gave cash to Kenny so he’ll do really disgusting things? Children do these things even for free – the currency they get paid with is the attention, laughter and amazement of their friends.
Adults use similar techniques to get attention and laughter, but with more civilized means. A great example from the world of adult (and of children) is imitations. There’s no problem with a man who makes funny imitations of celebrities, teachers, managers, etc. But if this is the basis for his sense of humor and his social status – he’s another definition of a clown. Neither an attractive figure nor an alpha male.
A Need for Response
The biggest attraction destroyer. The most important issue in this part of the article. You want to come from this state of mind: “I’m funny for myself”.
If you make an effort to say funny things in order to get a reaction from a girl – I’m sorry to tell you, but within a few minutes she’ll feel this. And not only will she stop being attracted, she will even stop laughing.
Funny men have a perspective in which the world is funny, so they laugh and share this way of thinking. Anyone who wants to join is welcome. This is authenticity to yourself. You don’t work for anyone as a private entertainer. That’s why you also don’t make adjustments to your humor so it’d be acceptable to those around you or the girl you’re talking with.
What you think is funny, is funny. End of discussion. She’s not laughing? Her loss. The problem is that a lot of men use humor to achieve another goal – attention. Just like the clown examples above. If you are funny just to get attention, you’re not an alpha. Women feel this incredibly fast, and you get labeled as desperate.
The trick is, again, to serve yourself with humor, before everyone else. To fully understand the difference, here are two types of people:
- Tells a joke with the thought of “It’s funny, don’t you think?“.
- Tells a joke with the thought of “Do you think it’s funny?“.
One gives value, shares, authentic; the other serves, pleases, a clown. Here lies the huge difference between the types of funny men. Note which side you’re in with your humor and think if it’s related to your current ability to create a strong attraction. I have no doubt that you will learn a lot about yourself, society, women and what you can improve.
To get a wide-enough picture about the essence of funny men, and laughter in itself, I began the article by noting the many benefits of humor. I also touched on the problems that can arise from the misuse of humor and how to avoid them. The analogy to a sharp knife sealed the discussion of “the good and the bad” – humor can make life wonderful, but it can also be a tool to hurt others. The choice is ours.
I then touched on the idea that funny men are not necessarily attractive. The sharp sense of humor is far from being a good predictor of how attractive a man is. I’ve shown how sophisticated and clever humor can be ineffective in comparison to superficial and silly humor (and even sometimes not humor at all), as long as there’s an appropriate atmosphere that nurtures positive responses and laughter.
In addition, I introduced the problem of the chicken and the egg when people think of funny men as attractive. The truth is, apparently, that attractive men are funny and not the other way around, and I’ve given reasons why this is the case.
From there I switched to practicality, but as a preparatory note, I reminded you that you can’t see the world in a funny way if your standard mood is not lighthearted and humorous. I offered easy solutions to the problem. After we’ve removed this trap, we could look at the world more funnily and react accordingly.
We then moved on to powerful techniques that are not only amusing in themselves (and particularly make girls laugh), they also contribute significantly to the closeness and attraction between you and the girl.
I finished with the importance of distinguishing between a funny, attractive man and a clown. Without this clear understanding, men find themselves “popular” and very amusing, but still not an option for a date or an intimate relationship. They become clowns because they don’t approach humor as an alpha male who shares his amusing worldview – but as service providers, begging for attention from the audience. And there are a lot of men like that.
I hope that with the information in this guide, you will not fall into such traps, and you will become a man who not only brings countless smiles to the girls around him – but also is perceived as dominant, charismatic and attractive.