How to Get Out of The Friend Zone – A Complete Guide
The Friend Zone is a state where a man makes great efforts for a girl, such as giving affection, doing favors (say, drive her from place to place), buying gifts and giving sympathetic ear in the hope of becoming her boyfriend – while the girl doesn’t return the same treatment and labels him only as a friend. In this article I will show you to the real reason why you’re friendzoned, and how you can get out of there.
Many men believe that girls hold them in some kind of an imaginary cage and prevent sex or romance with her despite all their efforts. This thought sometimes goes far and men, eventually, develop a silly belief that women are evil. So why do men who try so hard still get into friendzoned?
You Don’t Have Enough Alpha Qualities
If you read this blog regularly, you probably already know that women are attracted to men with alpha male traits, such as dominance, determination and ambition – men of high status (financial, social, etc.). That’s why dominant, fun men are never in The Friend Zone. Either the girl is interested in them or not. They never stay in an environment that doesn’t return their investment.
What I’m saying is that you’re responsible for being in the circle of platonic friendship. It may sound harsh and unpleasant, but it’s the truth – and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll come to the conclusion that you have to raise your status as a man and become more attractive. If you don’t believe that a beta male can become an alpha, this article will change your mind, I’m sure.
You’re Not “Stuck” in The Friend Zone
When a man is in The Friend Zone he has two options:
- Continue to play the role of a friend and stay friendzoned.
- Go for the jackpot and get out of there – no matter the outcome.
As you can see, the only one who puts you in The Friend Zone is yourself. When a man doesn’t grow some balls and goes after what he wants, he stays where he is.
Sometimes “stuck” men hope that the door of the Friend-Zone-prison will open up by the girl, and they will live happily ever after. It never happens this way. In order for such a situation to have a (faint) chance of happening, the man must make a serious change in his status, in his masculine identity.
I now want you to prepare for the second possibility – to take an active action to leave The Friend Zone. And I’ll help you get the best out of this escape.
Why You Stay in The Friend Zone
There are several main reasons why men choose to get stuck and suffer in The Friend Zone. Do you identify with one of these?
- You wait for breakup. In the “professional” jargon, men who stay in a girl’s Friend Zone in hopes of to comfort her after a separation – are called Orbiters. Orbiters tend to accept the role of the girl’s good friend, whom she turns to in times of crisis (when her romantic partner probably has no time or patience to listen). Many times they will try to fill a void or a need that the boyfriend didn’t (not that need, of course).
For example, if the girl wanted to go see a movie and her boyfriend didn’t want to – she could count on one of her orbiters to do as she pleases and sometimes drive and pay for her as if she were his girlfriend. For their whole purpose is to imply, nonstop: “I’m better than your boyfriend, dump him and choose me”.
It isn’t uncommon to see such men incite against the boyfriend. Usually as a supportive response to the story of the girl who describes her boyfriend’s ugly behavior towards her. They will inflame the anger and hint or say that she deserves a better man, who respects and appreciates her.
The simple truth: if she was attracted to you, you’d probably already know, and the current boyfriend would be out of the picture. She also won’t suddenly be attracted to you after a breakup. She would quickly find another man who’s attractive in her eyes and you will stay in The Friend Zone.
- You wait for the perfect moment. One time she’s busy, another time she’s angry, yesterday you didn’t look presentable, today you didn’t wear your lucky shirt and so on. This logic is used by most people when they need to get up and do something.
Many men get stuck in The Friend Zone because they’re waiting for all the conditions to be perfect, and she may agree to give them both a chance as a couple.
The simple truth: Do you know the sentence “Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect”? It’s also true here. Apparently you’re not really looking for a day and an hour with concrete settings – you’re looking for an excuse to escape the rejection that might come.
- You devote to the friendship more until she understands. These are the cases that break my heart. It’s so unpleasant to see a man doing everything in his power for a girl, and never getting what he wants in return. He really thinks she doesn’t know what he feels about her, or that she knows and expects more of him. So he gives and gives, praises, listens, supports, pays, helps – and nothing. Yet he doesn’t change course. He believes the turnaround is just around the corner. If he only bought her more prestigious gifts or flattered her a little more every day – she’d be attracted to him at last and he’d get out of The Friend Zone.
The simple truth: She knows perfectly well that you want her, no doubt. But a girl is attracted to men with high status, alpha males. Putting more effort will give you nothing but disappointments, jealousy of others, and an empty wallet.
The Friend Zone is a Bad Place for a Man
No matter the reason why you don’t take the step and leave The Friend Zone (wait, I’m getting to doing it wisely), remember that you deserve better treatment. You deserve to be in an environment of people who give you the same amount of love and appreciation you give them. It’s simple logic.
Don’t see your stay in The Friend Zone as a noble act, or a great effort that one day will pay off. As I tried to make clear to you above, these efforts are never really worthwhile. Even if you’re not the most attractive man in the world (since you’re already on the blog, you can add “yet”), and you often find yourself in the position of the good friend – there’s still no reason for you to agree staying in such an unfair state. Yes, maybe girls aren’t madly attracted to you, but from here to being a sucker there’s a long way. There’s no reason for any man to stay in such a bad position.
Choose to escape right now, go for option 2: “All or nothing”. Be decisive and take the “risk”, as an alpha male. See this as the first step in your transformation.
What’s the Worst That Could Happen?
It’s hard to muster courage and approach a girl who labels you as a friend and tell her what you really want. Why is it so difficult? Because of the fear of the unknown that’s deeply rooted in all of us. You don’t really know what her reaction will be, what to do if something goes wrong, etc. – completely paralyzing.
Yet this behavior is human and understandable. To tackle this I suggest you imagine the following situation: You do it. You approach her and suggest that you two start dating. Her response? The worst that could be. Let your imagination go wild within reason: She screams at you. She’s disgusted by the idea. She can’t stop laughing and walks away because “what makes a loser like you think you could date me?”. Do not spare any ugly details and offensive comments thrown at you.
Okay, are you done? Ready to take the risk to get out of your miserable situation? We both know this horrible outcome isn’t really going to happen. And even if it did happen somehow – good riddance, you don’t want such people in your life.
This is an excellent exercise. When you define the most extreme event, you actually delete the “unknown” and replace it with a “known”. Suddenly you feel more willing to simply go for it. Before, approaching her was like signing a contract that you didn’t understand what its consequences were. Now, with extreme imagination, you certainly understand the most serious implications of the contract – and beyond the fact that they aren’t likely at all, they’re also not that bad.
Your Time is Precious – Do Not Give It Away Freely
A strong, dominant man values his time. If you agree to give your time for a girl so easily that you even cancel your own plans – something’s wrong here. It’s not just undervaluing your time, you’re also giving her the impression that you are an unlimited resource – you’re always there for her.
This may sound unintuitive to you, but girls aren’t attracted to people who are always available for them. It makes sense, if you think about it. After all, a girl wants a man of high status – and a busy man with clear priorities certainly implies that. He has clear choices about what to do with his time – meeting with friends, working on projects, training at the gym, etc. – so naturally he won’t always be available 24/7 for a girl.
If you’re always there for her, it may seem noble and romantic, but it seriously damages the status level she assumes you have.
How to be Unavailable
Obviously you can act as if you don’t have the time now, to create on the girl an impression of a busy person when she tries to interact with you. But this pretense has two problems:
- You become a liar. It not only feels bad but also harms your integrity, which is a necessary quality in an alpha male. You will quickly get out of character because of the bad feeling and return to over-availability.
- If you’re not really busy, then what the hell are you doing? It’s impossible to be a man with high self-confidence without actively pursuing goals and achievements in life. If you replace the presence of a girl you’re attracted to with something that’s not important and fun to you (simply staying at home, for example), I doubt that you will hold that lie for long.
So my advice to you is to be truly busy. It doesn’t really matter on what, as long as you honestly put your occupations above the girl.
Of course, it’s ideal to better yourself at this time – for instance, working on a project that will make you money, learn a language, attend a class, meet with friends or new people, exercise, etc. When your daily life becomes an array of activities that are important to you and are hierarchically above the girl – your availability will naturally drop. This has two significant advantages:
- You’ll feel less desperate. Desperate is possibly the most associated word with the beta male – the man who regularly enters The Friend Zone. When you’re busy with something that empowers you, independent of any girl, you build self-respect. You begin to appreciate your personality and abilities. As a result, the presence of some girl in your life ceases to be critical. You have other options to invest your time in.
- She’ll value you more. Along with the excellent feelings produced by hobbies and priorities you’ve set, the girl will start to notice that you’re not “free” as you were before. Now seeing you requires effort, like tight scheduling. Usually, men adapt themselves to the girl’s comfort – which, of course, conveys serious neediness.
When you create priorities in your time division, you automatically become rarer. Rare is nearly always expensive. Expensive is nearly always attractive.
At the end of the day, people remain human beings. Everyone has the tendency to desire for what they can’t have. And once they get it – its value drops. Authentically keep meetings and communication with the girl in moderation through real occupations. This way, even if she chooses to stay away and never chases, you certainly didn’t have a chance in the first place – and it’s something better discovered quickly. The beauty is that you don’t stay empty-handed from the time you invested in other things – you gained new hobbies / skills / friends.
Don’t Be Obsessive, Look Around
When we talk about alpha male, we necessarily talk about a man with many options, in every field and especially in the romantic sense. Even when an alpha in a relationship demonstrates dominance, humor and charisma – if his partner doesn’t feel that she has competition with other girls – he becomes much less attractive in her eyes.
Okay, but how does this information relate to you?
There Are Many Fish in the Sea
The problem with The Friend Zone is that once girls label men as a beta, they stop considering the possibility of a romantic relationship with him. They go for other men who approach them and filter as they see fit.
As soon as you begin to look aside from this particular girl, seek other girls and be in constant communication with them, you will gain a few things:
- Jealousy / reevaluating. Remember when you were a child and you had your toys? With some you played more and with others less. But every time another kid came to your home and played with a toy you neglected – you suddenly got the urge to play with it too, right?
This logic applies to attraction, especially in girls. When the girl who disqualifies you sees your romantic interactions with other girls, she begins to ask herself, even subconsciously: “What do they see in him that I don’t? Maybe I’ve missed something? Maybe I was wrong about him?”. That’s how she reconsiders your status (which will probably be higher, now that you’re communicating with more girls) and your chances with her are growing significantly.
- Improved communication. Practice makes perfect. The idea is simple: Be in constant communication with more girls – and you’ll be better in communicating with girls. There’s no such thing as a non-social alpha male. A main feature of attractive men is the ability to talk easily and with fun to any girl they meet.
With time and experience, you’ll learn how women think, what they respond well to and what not, what makes them laugh, what irritates, etc. This skill alone makes you more attractive than most men.
- Standards set. Naturally, out of conversation and familiarity with many girls, you will learn to discern what you find good in a girl, and what isn’t for you. When you’re fixated on only one girl (and she doesn’t respond well to your tries), it’s hard to tell if she really is good for you or not.
While communicating, you will recognize good and bad character traits in girls, and you will have a frame of reference for your ideal girl. You can define more accurately whether the one who put you in The Friend Zone is really worth your efforts – or that now you realize there are much better girls out there.
- A real alternative. I don’t suggest you approach other girls just to create jealousy and hone your skill for the “moment of truth” with the girl you want. Another great reason is the ability to see more girls as a real candidate for being your girlfriend.
When you’ll talk with a lot of girls, you’ll find out how much the male brain fools us. Girls who didn’t interest you will become much more attractive after a few conversations with them. And of course the opposite will also happen – you’ll discover that amazing girls aren’t worth a minute of your time, because of their boring character or bad qualities.
As you already understand, abundance is the name of the game. When you have more options, your chances of success grow, you learn who you really want to spend time and energy on, and as a bonus – you’ll become more attractive to the girl who friendzoned you.
Ask for Favors
A little dirty trick that works, and is even scientifically proven, is to ask favors and help from the girl. You know how we do things for people we appreciate and love? Turns out that it works the other way around, as well: When people do something for a person without a special reason, they begin to love and appreciate him / her. As if the brain says “If I do things for him, it probably means I like and appreciate him!”, and feelings arise accordingly.
Keep your requests small, so it will be hard for her to refuse. Here are some examples:
- Ask her to buy you a bottle of Coke before you meet up.
- Have her hold something for you for a few moments.
- Ask her to keep an item of yours in her pocket or purse.
- When paying, ask her for a few pennies so you won’t have to change money.
- Ask her help in preparing for an exam.
- Ask her to come shopping with you and give her opinion.
Don’t expect to create a huge attraction with this technique, but certainly expect to become more noticeable and appreciated in her eyes. These are very simple requests that are always made between friends and couples, and men who are friendzoned usually don’t allow themselves to ask them. The girl, in their eyes, is so high-status that she shouldn’t do anything for them – just the other way around. It’s time to change this. Request and see how you become more valued and liked.
Pull Yourself Together
The next tip has one central advantage and one central disadvantage.
- Advantage: The most effective method to escape The Friend Zone and be extremely attractive.
- Disadvantage: A long process that requires effort and perseverance.
I’m talking about taking a decision that you’re no longer willing to be a beta male (if you’re in The Friend Zone, you’re almost certainly a beta, thinking otherwise? Test yourself: Are you a beta male) and become a strong, dominant and fun man – an alpha male.
Where to Begin?
I set up the blog for this purpose exactly – transforming from beta to alpha male who’s attractive and successful. Feel free to use it, of course. But if you’re looking for a starting point, as a guy in The Friend Zone, I suggest you start with an article about how to impress a girl. You’ll get a good perspective on the character of a man who attracts women. Then you’re invited to explore the articles and begin practicing the principles you learn.
There’s No Second Chance to Make a First Impression
I’ll tell you the bitter truth: If a girl has already categorized you as a friend, your chances of changing her perception about you and creating a strong attraction are low. As opposed to a first meeting. Just as it’s hard for you to change your perception of people you dislike, even if they change their behavior for the better.
This is understandable and logical. The best way to increase your chances is to create a significant change in your essence as a man. It sounds drastic, but there’s nothing wrong with becoming a stronger, dominant and fun guy. No man ever regrets this change in his life.
“But I Want to Keep on Being Myself”
I’m glad to hear that, because it means you’re at a point where you love who you are – one of the most essential alpha qualities. Well, don’t worry. Your character will change from the process, but not your preferences or identity.
You’ll know how to respond to social situations wisely and understand your position as a man in your environment. Don’t look at this process as a change, but as an improvement.
“I Don’t Want to Act Like a Bad Boy”
Men are afraid to make the move towards alpha lest they’ll have to be vulgar and unpleasant. That’s totally wrong. Some of the advice I’m going to give you may seem inconsiderate or egoist behavior at first glance, but the truth is that you just become authentic.
Honest people, naturally, tend to be a bit more “bad”, especially towards those who haven’t done anything for them and can’t benefit them. Girls appreciate this directness. If you’re still hesitant, I dive into the subject in my article on why girls love bad boys.
Why Being Alpha is Necessary
As I mentioned, escaping The Friend Zone is an immediate decision that practically takes only one moment – you either agree to be there, or you don’t. When you finally decide to leave the realm of friendship, there may be one of two situations:
- You’ll be dating.
- Your ways will separate.
Guess what? In both cases you’ll still need an alpha male mentality to succeed.
If you two start dating, you have to know how to maintain the relationship.
If you two separate, you have to demonstrate qualities of an attractive man to other girls you meet.
That’s why I always say a sentence that sounds extreme to some people: “Every man must aspire to be alpha“. Yes, of course not everyone will succeed – the majority will actually fail. But no man should accept his low status as a decree of fate. Just as a poor person shouldn’t accept that there are rich and poor people in the world, and that’s his fate forever – no, everything must be done to get out of poverty. Choose to make a change in your life today, and you will never regret this step.
It was important to start the article by placing full responsibility on you, the man who was “put” in The Friend Zone. Without this basic principle, you won’t accept the fact that taking responsibility is all you need to get out of platonic friendship, immediately.
In a direct context of walking away from The Friend Zone, I explained how simple it is, and why an alpha male is never in The Friend Zone: He never agrees to be in a relationship that takes advantage of him. A friendship with this girl, as far as he’s concerned, is an investment that will never pay. So he doesn’t even bother in the first place. If the girl wants him – great. If not – he moves on. And you should adopt this worldview.
I went over the main reasons why men choose to stay and suffer in the role of the friend, and don’t make a decision to go for the jackpot. Of course I made sure to reject them all, so you won’t have a glimmer of an excuse to stay there for another moment.
The Friend Zone is a very bad place for a man. To encourage your escape and try your luck with the girl you want, I introduced you to the wonderful method of imagining the worst situation that can possibly happen. When you understand the worst consequences that might come out of your act, you feel safer to go for it – because the chance for the worst-case-scenario is particularly low, and also because you’re now aware of the possibilities, and can easily agree to this “contract”.
We went to practicality, how to create attraction and appreciation from the girl who friendzoned you. I suggested that you get away, become more unavailable because of others occupations. Over-availability is a mistake most men make.
Another tip was to check out other girls while you’re unavailable to her. It has huge benefits for how you perceive yourself as a man, your communication with girls and understanding them, and even how the girl you want might reevaluate your status and the potential of being your girlfriend. So don’t be surprised if she gets jealous and wants you much more – perhaps while in the meantime you found another girl that suits you better.
A dirty little trick you can use is to ask this girl all kinds of small requests. It’s unlikely that she will suddenly be attracted to you only by this, but it’s certainly possible that she will appreciate you more, and this is a very good start.
Finally, I devoted a long section to talk about the importance of mentality change. You can’t remain a male beta and expect that beautiful and high-quality women will be attracted to you. I gave you a brief explanation on why every man should aspire to be an alpha, raise his status and strengthen his masculine figure. I’ve linked a number of relevant articles to help you take the first steps in creating attraction and establishing your status as a charismatic, dominant and attractive man. Because in the end, whether you’re in a relationship with this girl or not – alpha male traits will serve you at any point in your life.
Don’t procrastinate – get out of The Friend Zone as quickly as possible and reestablish your relationship and personality with the advice I’ve given you here. Best of luck!